Hair Snippets

it is a mildly known fact that i cut my own hair once every seven months. i used to go places to get it cut and i've even been stopped on the street by student stylists who've done it for their portfolio, but in the end i'd rather do it in the bathroom with a pair of cooking shears.

i don't layer it like the real hair people do, so it tends to get a lot poofier than i'd like as a result-- but it also saves me money and awkward conversation with the barber. anyway, it can make my head look like it was drawn by a drunk dr. suess at times, but i'm not sure i care-- and that's also not too far from what it actually is.

i think once a co-worker told me i looked like a mad man and i told him that i am a mad man-- but that may have been only half on account of the hair and half because of the wide grin i was wearing after finding out i'd been hired as an illustrator.

plus, the wind crazies up everyone's appearance at least 15%.

anyway, there are a few things-- besides my ridiculous ears-- that keep me from cutting it off and attempting to look like a normal person.

mostly it's a mixture of the compliments and insults that keep me from cutting it. while they both have different motives, they both leave me thinking, "well, fuck cutting my hair ever."

hair at union square

"you've got quite the hair!" a homeless man announced after being caught trying to steal my coffee.

"i do, yeah."

there was something very charming about his voice in a sort of news anchory way and i didn't feel like conversation would lead to a street sheet or panhandling. it was calming.

"i used to have long hair-- when i was younger-- like yours," he continued, "but i do hope you read the book of revelations a lot, because i'd like to see you in heaven."

i had no witty comeback-- just a sigh.

hair at the hemlock

"you offend me," a drunk girl stated.

i was in the smoking room with travis, trying to make use of the first two hours of his 21st birthday and so it had to have been a bit after 1am and it's safe to say it wasn't busy enough to really be a bar experience. but it's also safe to say the few people in the bar after 1am on a sunday were not in good shape.

"oh, i'm sorry. how is that?" i asked.

"no, you offend me," she said again. this time she pointed at herself to be sure there was no mistaking who "me" was. it was her. she was offended.

"well, my apologies-- i'm not trying to offend anyone."

"i'm a hair-stylist and your hair is the worst thing i have ever seen. it's like-- you need a haircut-- it's like a diamond shape on your head and it offends me. you're like someone who should've gotten a haircut a year ago."

i didn't really like her hair. i might have if she didn't open the conversation with elitist opinions and insults-- but there was nothing special about her hair.

"my hair grows pretty fast. i don't think it would take a year to get it this long."

"no, honey. a year ago. it's just awful."

"okay, well thank you for that. and again, i'm sorry i've offended you," i said as she turned to leave.

that was probably the only time i've had even a remotely unpleasant conversation with someone at the hemlock. in fact, i like the bar because i generally like the people there. but, i suppose i'm happy to have offended her if she's someone who enjoys insulting strangers. and i hope attempting to make feel insecure made her feel more secure about the fact she was the only one in her group sloppy drunk and without a boyfriend.

hair at the second interview

"is my hair going to be a problem?" i asked.

"what? no. why would it be? i love it!" she laughed.

she actually seemed legitimately surprised by the question and i immediately wondered if people who have normal hair ever consider the extreme difference in attitudes hair can bring forward.

"i was fired from my very first job over a hair-disagreement, so i just always ask in advance. it was a really conservative setting, i guess."

"oh, no way. i'm conservative, but i still like your hair," she reassured me, "if we were all the same, how boring would that be?"

we had a great smile together.

"seriously."

one day i'll be old and bald, or i'll have a comb-over, but that's another day. for now, i think i'm going to start a hair-related diary of comments from the streets. i really wish i had been writing down what the san jose cops used to say-- some of it was pure gold.