From My Phone

if my cell phone could only speak in images, and wanted to communicate to you what sort of person i am, it would say something about the cassanova lounge's bathroom stall right away.

and then it would say this:

a lot of my lunches are a french dip, coffee, and mimosa. i've also received a pickle-penis-tomato-testicle version of the above meal-- which came from the very large hispanic chef whose favorite pastime is pretending he's gay and testing people's limits.

and i discovered it doesn't matter what time it is: mimosas are always acceptable-- even in public. it's mimosas and bloody marys. when pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime-- well, when alcohol has bubbles and some orange juice, you can drink it anytime except for when it's a brass monkey. and you can also drink a bloody mary if you like those.

dopey got kicked out for acting a fool.

it's like a strange form of 3d!

this banana tricked me into thinking it was dog poop. it's not poop; it's just an old banana, having a sense of humor. it was like, "i'm sick of the only banana-joke being that we make you slip sometimes!'" and decided to revolutionize the banana-comedy scene by rotting on top of some convenient mud and waiting to look like a poop.

and i totally fell for it.

a hipster statue at the jacuzzi winery in sonoma. hipsters and their tridents.

because the dogpatch labs are located on a historic pier, there are very rigid rules for our safety as well as the pier's. the floor load limit, as you can see, is only 100 pounds per square foot. max. this means it is unsafe-- and potentially illegal-- for me to stand on one foot anywhere within the properties of the pier.

PUSH IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE EARTHQUAKE IN ELEVATOR.

i need to get back into the habit of bringing my nikon out.