Facebook Poo Poo

i keep getting asked how i made my facebook profile. it's just photoshop's text tool-- nothing fancy. but i hope to see more of these photos. i mean, of you-- not me. i hope to see more facebook profile pictures with truthful phrases. it could be a thing.

like, i'm kind of a bitch, though.

or, i won't pay you back on time.

i like to think of it all as giant disclaimers. and it's in cd-format-- a perfect square-- so even when the picture is thumbnailed, the words can be read.

your sentence would be tied to everything you posted on facebook.

in my case, if you asked me for help apartment-hunting in the city and i recommended a variety of neighborhoods, i've sort of covered the basis without having to say much. you can take my advice: it's just generally quite bad.

if you're reading this, colin, i really did try to give you the best apartment advice i possibly could. but, you know, read the not-so fine print and make your own opinions.

someone published a half-serious story about what our facebook photos are trying to say-- what's in their subtext. for instance, a cropped shot of your jaw and cleavage is pretty straight-forward visual language of The Slut. and group photos are meant to say, "i have tons of fun and tons of friends!"

some are more subtle, but all of the photo-styles were broken down to mean something secretly (naturally.) in some ways, it made us all out as amateur speakers of visual composition and mood.

but it would be way more fun if people wrote short sentences that may not be flattering, yet were at least truthful.

a kind of "my picture says this, but here's the real deal."

i mean, as hard as it is to believe that the fine looking ikea loveseat model on the left is not actually as dashing as you'd expect from such a sensual photo-- it's true. sorry to let you down.

you can tell everyone you love raves, but when you finally get coerced into wrapping neon candy beads around your wrists and strapping up in fuzzy boots, someone is going to call your bluff.

and it's going to be awkward.

so, we may as well all save some time and embarrassment. then, at the very least, you would have the comfort of saying, "i know you've seen my facebook picture..."

you could argue the entire thing as a mixture of a cockblock as well as a potential destroyer of future employment--given the world's obsession with researching your facebook before ever meeting you-- but that's no more true than a regular photo. if every photo says something, mine at least do so in words as well as image-- there's less mistaking who i am this way.

then, if you're cool with who i am, we can hang out or you can hire me. and there are no misunderstandings or secrets-- at least kind of.

in the vast digital world, too much is left to assumptions and i'd like to fix that with sentences like i only pretend to like dogs, or i'm mean because i'm insecure.

hell, if you promise not to cry and act offended, i'll mock up your facebook photos for you. of course, if you do get hurt i'll just post a new photo of you on this blog with a subtitle of i was the snotty brat at toys 'r' us.

just send them on over and i'll send them back with some gentle futura bold slapped across them in less gentle sentences.

techboy's would be i have a blog, but i don't update.