The Finance Dance in Fancy Pants

there is a rumor that i have lots of money saved up somewhere. i don't know how accepted this rumor is, but the fact it exists at all offends me.

it would be nice to have lots of money-- i think we can all agree there. but i'm offended because i don't.

i don't have any savings. what i have is confidence in chaos.

i believe strongly in keeping a focus on my spirit sooner than my bank account-- i'd rather be bankrupt than a slave-- but just because i don't appear to be worried about money you should not assume i have a lot of it.

my friend and former co-worker, brandon, once posted a quote on facebook that went, "would you rather be underpaid or overrated?" and i would definitely rather be underpaid-- which i usually am. however, if the idea that i have some secret stash of finances stuffed away for emergencies and vacations is floating about, i've been highly overrated.

and now, some people choose to transform this idea into reasoning for why they have not paid our rent. if i've already written all the checks, what's left for anyone to worry about? rent has been paid!

i mean, what does it matter if someone pays two weeks late when i have "all this money saved up anyway"?

firstly, it matters because it is not my responsibility to cover anyone's rent beyond my own.

but secondly, because i don't have money saved up. i don't have a magical 401k. i don't even have a savings account.

do i need to be more obvious about my finances? would it help if i published my actual earnings and savings? i heard somewhere that was a very rude thing to do.

see, i don't tell people i'm "broke" until i have literally $0, no internet access, and no electronics worth more than $100. anyone who has lived with me in the past five years can vouch for me. everyone has watched me turn blank papers into money and steal from marketers-- i've been a fucking hangman shark to make money. i mean come on. we used to counterfeit muni transfers just to get a ride to work. i am by no means someone who uses the term "broke" lightly. being "broke" when you have more than $50 is not having confidence in chaos or your own creativity.

it's being a bitch, quite frankly.

so, i haven't said i'm broke. because i'm not.

here's what really bothers me, though: if the idea is that i have tons of money saved up, every time i have quit or been intentionally fired from a job the rumormongers have looked at it as nothing. who cares if i quit when i have tons of cash saved up? there are no stakes there. having a shitload of money stashed away takes the ideals i was attempting to stand for and throws them out the window. moral defenestration.

i think its very important to know that i've left my last two jobs to make a point-- and part of that point was that i'd rather be financially fucked during a recession than work for someone i consider immoral. a naive and immature point, you could argue, but i firmly believe companies need to see more employees acting this way rather than letting their soul die and accepting nonsense for a paycheck. it's because not enough of us stand up to our bosses that we continue to have bosses like mr. poopants.

the fact is i left those jobs with fear in my eyes and very little in my wallet. courage is not walking into a dangerous situation knowing it's not actually dangerous. courage is being scared but doing it because you know you have to-- because it's what's right and because it's worth the risk.

and this illusion that because i'm always wearing a blazer and collared shirt i must have tons of money is great, too. i have a total of four collared shirts, which i wear nonstop. if you have thirty t-shirts and never wear collared shirts, you have no right to critique anything past my style. because, goodwill or not, you've spent more money on your clothes than me-- despite what it may look like. i don't even have a closet because i don't have enough clothes to merit one.

yes, i probably look like i've stepped out of some kind of office half the time, but with collared shirts and blazers i am always ready for an interview and a new job. so think about where the money should be spent.

also, i can carry cigarettes, a moleskine, pen, gloves, business cards, street-scores, and sometimes a flask in my blazer. i consider it my utility belt sooner than a declaration of status.

i have to say, i'm pretty fucking frustrated right now. i should not have to watch my spending because my roommate assumes i have enough money for him to pay rent whenever he pleases, and i should not have to deal with people as poor as i've been treating me like some high-class douchebag when we started at the same place and i chose to work harder.

i'm tempted to make a documentary called "roommates and friends discuss the weird things president wishnack has done to pay for food and rent, and how close he was to failing every single time-- but also how he didn't seem too worried."

i'd have to shorten the title.

if everyone knew how little money i had during some of my adventures i think you all might take me a little more seriously.