My Jeans Say I Fuck Hard

in the future, advertisements no longer try to be sly. they're just people having sex next to a logo. and you pick that brand over others because you agree with the style of sex the brand ambassadors were having. usually tuxedo shops have more hairless, legs-rubbing-delicately-against-legs, type of standing hug-sex that moves like ballet. but nike has more vigorous, rhythmic sex in many different positions.

and you buy the brand that appeals to your fetish.

i like to think about what someone from 1955 would think if they visited 2011. it wouldn't be like back to the future, i don't think. have you noticed the evolution of discarded televisions on the side of the road? in 1955, tv's would not clutter the streets like stray cats and trash cans. but today i saw a flat screen on the side of the road. hell, two out of three of us in my apartment have a flat screen. it's nothing.


if you came from 1955, you'd be alarmed by this.

but, our advertisements would do you a different, bewildering, way. we are so very sexy these days. it's not 1955 anymore, and to walk by even a victoria's secret with the fifties mind could be explosive. cologne and perfume ads, movies, and music are all gently perverted-- and i dare say a man from the fifties would either jizz his pants inadvertently, or get very scared.

hell, even carl's jr. is saying "if it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face."

i dreamt i was trying to explain what a blowjob was to a girl from the 20's. it was hard. (do you see what i did there?)

sometimes i find myself traveling in time via ikea swivel chair and marijuana. and the future is full of crowded sidewalks that are littered with the fanciest tvs i can imagine. there are like eight cameras attached to each one, and some of them can charge your iAwesomemagic 5D.

and the advertisements are all porn. properly placed porn. costume shops screen role-playing porn, and certain restaurants play massage-enhanced sexual adventures. but you look at these sexual displays and decide "which one says 'me' to me?"

perhaps you're looking for something a bit more... elegant?

maybe the alley-way couple is what you want your pants to say, or maybe you've got an interview and you'd prefer the pg13 movie sex under-a-blanket-and-after-a-long-deep-conversation-about-life-and-philosophy. everyone's got their thang.

i guess in the future, the idea became that our clothes and brands and styles were all already doing this. so they just cut to the point.

it's weird. even in that over-populated world, people are still just trying to have some babies.