A Better Plan

i had two loving doodle assignments in the past few days. and i absolutely hated the first one. it was sent in by a particularly arrogant man. he'd described every single detail as if he were writing a fucking screenplay.

but he wasn't.

he was writing about how he took his girlfriend on a bagel picnic by the jefferson memorial and forced her to marry him without asking her if it was okay. because he's just so damn cool. he even included a picture of the actual ring he bought her and made sure that i knew she was carrying a bagel while this all went down. and that his hair is a little messy and parted to the left.

after reading his egotistical little novella, i felt like sending him a refund and telling him to draw his own god damn picture.

but i needed the money, so i drew it anyway.

the second loving doodle was entirely opposite of that, though. it was written by a girl, and went as follows:

I met my boyfriend for the first time two years ago: track season. I was running in a track meet, the 800m, and hadn't been feeling so well beforehand. My future boyfriend and his friend were leaning against the fence and he said he thought to himself, "who's that cute girl running?" and then I threw up on the side of the track, just missing the garbage bin. The whole crowd was full of "ewws" and "gross." But he ran to ask somebody who I was and they told him. He came back to watch me run and then, I up-chucked once more. He thought I was legit, besides being the soon-to-be girl of his dreams. After getting my medal, he ran over to tell me good job. Being so tired, I lazily responded, "thanks." We always joke about it now and say, "what if I never had thrown up?"

that one reminded me of the way i fell in love. and after drawing that stupid bagel-picnic proposal... my mind needed to see a little bit of vomit.

more importantly, it gave me an idea.

if i'm drawing a pukey track-star mesmerizing her to-be boyfriend, there probably isn't a limit to what else i can draw. i'm sick of drawing disney love scenes-- someone needs to throw in some spice. doesn't anyone fall in love unconventionally like the vomit couple?

how about this: if you'd like a cartoon of anything at all, send an order in to loving doodle. it costs $34.99 and i will only be receiving half of what's left after shipping. it's bullshit that way. but as long as you can mask your concept as something mildly related to love, it'll be sent to me to be drawn. and that can be fun.

it still needs to look like the other loving doodles, but it can be anal sex with dinosaurs, or pirates peeing on a beached whale if you want. actually i would prefer it be the most disgustingly awkward story you can possibly think of-- that would make things a bit more interesting on my end.

just be prepared to explain how it is a loving moment you will always cherish because all orders go through my partner before i even receive them.

i suppose i would make more money by offering a "cartoon of anything" here rather than splitting it with loving doodle, but i think it would be much more fun to shake up that website in the process. let's start some chaos.

oh, and happy valentine's day.