the last time i'd been in the neighborhood was during my friend kyle's 21st birthday. back then, i had no form of serious i.d. and would find myself using a burger king kid's club card to squeeze my way into the more willing bars. i was able to get into katie bloom's because the bouncer used to buy magic mushrooms from me. but khartoum rejected me and we didn't even see your bar.
needless to say, i was excited to check out your happening little lounge without having to bribe a bouncer or pull out a "possession of marijuana" citation as proof of my birth-date. everyone in san jose used to know me as the one guy who had no driver's license, i.d., or bank account. but things are different now.
sort of.
the other day, i showed your bouncer my i.d. and he told me i couldn't come inside. at first, i thought it was because i am not an attractive female and he was trying to keep the ratio in favor of sloppy one-night stands-- but it was a weekday and your bar really only had about five people inside. surely you would want all the customers you could find-- especially alcoholic customers who award themselves handmade whiskey trophies, and tour gin distilleries for fun.
i asked him what was wrong with my i.d. and he asked me if i drive.
"i can't let you in," he explained, "unless you have a driver's license."
"but this is a government-issued identification card."
"it's not a driver's license."
as it turns out, your bar is privately owned and as a part of that there are different rules than i am used to. at your bar, a state-issued california i.d. is not actually a valid form of identification. learn something new every day! discovering that the very card which allows me to be called in for jury duty will not allow me into all bars felt a little like realizing my all-in-one printer had a copy-machine rather than a scanner.
and to be back in san jose, rejected from a bar like the days before 2008 was just bad comedy.
as it was explained to me, i had three ways to get into the lounge:
1. learn how to drive a car.this is all very interesting, and mostly why i'm writing to you now.
2. join the military.
3. prepare to travel outside of the united states.
i'm happy that you accept military i.d.s and passports because there are plenty of places that will not-- and then foreigners, troops on a rare vacation, and people who have simply misplaced their driver's license cannot get the drinks they deserve.
but i suppose i need a bit of clarification as to the reasoning behind denying non-driving legal adults access to "where all the hipsters of the south bay hang out."
are there cars inside your bar? do you ask that all customers drive dune-buggies inside to give the lounge a unique feel? that would be so neat! i mean, i have no way of knowing since i wasn't allowed inside. but at least if there are motorized vehicles within your premises, i can understand why i'd need a driver's license to enter.
the thing is, i didn't hear any cars inside. i guess i'm just very confused, and i hope you can help me.
when creating the cardiff lounge did you sit at your idea-desk and think, "you know the one thing i want to be sure of is that my drunk customers have the ability to drive themselves home when they're ready to leave"?
i really need to understand your thought process. you must be aware that there is absolutely no difference between a california i.d. and a california driver's license except that one allows you to drive-- right? one is not easier to counterfeit than the other, and neither have a more official birth-date than the other.
in no way am i trying to convince you to change your odd rule-- you seem to be making enough money keeping the cardiff a drivers-only paradise, and i have no intention of returning-- but i need to know why you made the rule.
i'm pretty sure i won't be able to sleep until i know what went on in your head when you trained the bouncers to say, "sorry, but if you don't drive a car, you can't drink here."
maybe say that sentence to yourself out loud and then get back to me.
dumbfoundedly,
president wishnack
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