Moxie

the title to this post might have been "the benefits to working a job for a man who knows how horribly you left your last few" if that weren't so wordy. but also there's more to it.

i'd known the word "moxie" to mean not much more than "sara dennis purser" till recently. i would lightly stalk her via facebook, like any good child of the digital era-- and her profile picture was once an orange soda can named "moxie".

but after the mad-dash out of the concierge cubicles-- coattails literally a flutter, and ketchup packets left behind-- toby explained the word in a different light. his definition had fewer words than it did hand-gestures, but i gathered it had something to do with the metaphoric sack o' testicles. then i heard it from jim in a much more encyclopedic manner-- his definition including other words like "vigor" and, actually, the soda from sara's facebook. and then, more recently, karisma used it again in the comments to this post.

that was, perhaps, too many links in one paragraph. but i had never heard the word, and then it was everywhere-- like it had just been invented.

here are some benefits of working for a man who knows how horribly i left my last job; here's where moxie comes to use.

"go upstairs," my boss said, "and grab what's on the color printer."

"okay," i shouted as i made my way for the door.

my boss is someone who has no room for error and will yell and scream at anyone who makes the slightest mistake. it's worse if you've already made that mistake once in the past. but it's bad if you make any at all. even if it's only your third day of work.

"it'll look like this," he said, as he pointed behind himself.

what was behind him were a few things:

1. a color printer
2. tons of i am posters for tom shadyac's new documentary
3. other stressed co-workers

i nodded that i understood and made my way to our other offices around the corner to pick up the rest of the i am posters i was expecting to find.

when i got to the fifth floor of that building, i found the color printer with no posters. i checked all four printers and none of them had what he'd said i'd find.

so i returned, empty-handed, knowing he'd yell at me.

"sorry," i said, "but they weren't up there."

he panicked.

"fuck!" he exclaimed, "fuck. it didn't print?"

and then he sent me up with the assistant manager to see what might be wrong with the printer. when we both arrived, the intercom started speaking in my boss' voice. it said this:

you don't see any papers on the color printer?

"i do," i said, "but no i am posters. these are all for tpg."

what?! that's what i told you to bring me! grab it and get back here!

i knew i'd get a heavy teasing for this. but i also knew i wasn't entirely in the wrong. so i grabbed the stack of papers and ran back to the downstairs offices. when i got there, i saw that same angry-disappointed look he always had when someone got confused. and one worker shouted "fail."

"steven," he said, "i'm going to start calling you stevie every time you mess up. what happened to the intelligent guy i hired?"

"whoa, whoa," i laughed, "you told me to go upstairs and grab what was on the color printer. i was set to do exactly that until you told me that what i would find would 'look like this'-- and you pointed at the i am posters."

"no," he shouted, "i pointed at the color printer. i said the printer would look like this printer!"

that made some sense, but i'd assumed he would know i know what a color printer looks like by now. it made more sense that he was pointing to the posters on the printer. plus, it was in his grammar.

"look," i said, "when you said 'go upstairs and grab what's on the color printer' the subject-noun was 'what is'-- 'grab what is on the color printer.' so when you continued with the sentence, 'it will look like this', the subject-noun, 'it', should've referred to 'what is' on the color printer. what is on the color printer will look like this. in that case, i should've been looking for i am movie posters. you pointed at both the posters and the printer, but i already knew what the printer looked like, and you assumed i didn't, which where we misunderstood each other."

yeah, i dropped sentence structure science on him. while speaking with horrible grammar.

there was a pause.

"there's the intelligent man i hired," he smiled, "get these invoices done."

that conversation is one of many. my job is to do about 90 things at once-- like any good job-- and there is no room for error. if i mess up, yawn, or in any way appear inattentive, he will yell at me. but, he has utter respect for me if i can logically explain why i've done what i've done, and prove to him it was not because i'm an idiot or simply wasn't focusing.

it's been only five days since i was hired and i have been yelled at almost every day. but, a lot of the time, i've yelled back. and it has never been a fight. conversation can range from "it won't happen again." to, "i messed up that invoice because i wasn't aware you were making up prices. i priced the paper stock to our standard 75 cents per colored page-- and divided it by eight, knowing eight business cards fit per page-- was i supposed to just know you wanted me to price paper at $0 and over-price the document setup fee to balance it? you do recognize that's retarded."

and we get along.

this is no mr. poopants situation. this man hears what you're saying and is willing to admit when he's wrong. similarly, i'm expected to admit when i'm wrong. it's like a very vigorous 69 performance in which the two of us wind up sweaty enough to merit a shower or two-- but the result is unheard of.

you'd almost have to see our relationship to understand it.

well, those last two sentences came out really badly.

this is the first job i've ever had where straight-forward speaking is respected as long as it makes sense. this is where knowing what you're doing, and not being afraid to say so comes in hand. this is where moxie comes into play.

i believe, this may have been why he hired me after hearing what i'd said/done to my last boss.

i'm being put to motherfucking use, and this is exactly what i need right now. i just need to feel important when i go to work. it's pretty simple.

as of now, i'm one of three people who've been given business cards and i'm currently manning the production of wells fargo's latest project, as well as acting as a sort of ambassador between visa and singapore. the goal, as i hear it, is that by the time 150 business cards are taken i will be knowledgeable enough to have my cell phone put on the card. sort of like being a doctor, except with less death and money.

i'm kind of game.

and, as of today, i'm getting paaaaaid.