Dear Sarah

oh, i just don't know how to feel about you.

when you moved in, i was out smoking and you actually came back out to introduce yourself. i remember thinking you were very polite for doing so-- most people aren't so quick about their hellos. i also thought you were foreign, but it turned out you're just southern. you're georgian. and not even georgian like the russian-type, but the american kind of georgian.

both ways, you're friendly, and that's nice. your dog is very friendly, too.

but i know you're stealing my internet because your full name shows up on my itunes' shared list. and i just don't know what to feel. for almost half a year, i was stealing internet from two or three of our neighbors and probably would've never gotten my own wifi if they hadn't gotten wise to my late-night blogging and illegal downloading of music.

i had thought about leaving a few hundred dollars by the doorway of the rightful owners to those unlocked connections. but i figured the money was better spent on beer, and i would make it up to them some other day.

i never really did.

so i don't think i can be mad at you for stealing mine. you're at least a lot nicer than me, and it's always been my thought that internet should be free anyway.

i guess what gets me is that you probably know it's my internet, because-- similar to your itunes-- mine has most of my full name as well. it at least says wishnack attack! and i think you know my last name by now.

is that why you're always so friendly to me? or is that just the southern charm?

before i knew it was you, i googled the name that kept showing up on my itunes and found that you sell these little hand-painted thank you cards on your etsy.


i like to imagine them to be for me and my free wireless.

you're welcome.

and the more i think about it, the less i mind you borrowing my internet. you don't really slow me down much anyway. but it's a little funny that you, the downstairs stealer of my wifi, have your itunes password-protected.

are you locking me out of your playlists?

that's a little unfair, isn't it? you really ought to share your music with me if you're going to share my bandwith. what you're doing is like eating all my bread but not sharing the peanut butter. it's just rude, really.

i mean, i could password the wifi and we could call it even if you'd rather it that way.

think about it.

neighborly,
president wishnack

p.s. - i also wouldn't be against it if you wanted to leave a couple hundred dollars by my doorway instead.