I Think I Overthink Things

this is an immediate ramble which will likely help no one. but i want to write it down before i forget that it happened in my brain.

i was just outside battling the two inner-me's, having a hard time determining who was who. usually i have a pretty basic "good side" and standard "bad side". but the lines tend to blur and get confusing when i'm thinking about more serious subjects.

the one i thought was the good side was saying things like "but don't give in to one side just because it's usually right." and then another voice said, "those are some fighting words."

and it's true: they were. they were [cleverly disguised] fighting words. the "good" side of my brain was trying to manipulate me into taking its side while feeling as though i'd done the better thing-- almost as if i hadn't taken a side at all. but manipulation is by no means a trait of the better side.

so maybe there was a third side, or maybe the good side has bad sides too.

as i was thinking about whether or not there was actually a correct answer to my problem, the right side of my head started feeling heavier. and i realized that i had been leaning my head toward the right slightly from the start.

then i realized i usually do.

i leaned it to the left to see what would happen. it felt floaty and refreshing. it also felt slightly unfamiliar, but the thoughts i began to think were very much from the good side-- if there is one.

it's also possible the entire experience was a meaningless self-fulfilling prophecy and only felt different because i wanted it to. and it's also possible the head-tilting experiment only existed to take my mind off my circular thoughts about what the most right thing to do actually was. or perhaps i've just gotten a very slight amount of sleep lately and it's costing the stability of my mind. if you're willing to accept that my mind sometimes is actually stable.

but, feeling that, i started to wonder which side i commonly leaned toward-- what way i sleep.

unfortunately, my alarm clock controls my sleep. i sleep facing my alarm clock; i sleep facing the spot in my room easiest connected to an electrical outlet.

currently that means i sleep on my left shoulder-- in other words, my brain is resting on the left most nights. i wonder if our sleeping position-- and therefore the position of our brain-- has anything to do with our moods and personalities.


have there been any studies on whether or not it has anything to do with our inclination to art or math? granted some people will say, "i sleep on my back" or "i sleep in a new position every night because i'm a free spirit", but some people will always say something. i've also heard that the whole "right brain" and "left brain" bit is just a mythical category and we all use both sides equally.

but i'd be curious to know if there is any correlation between sleeping sides and brain strengths.

also, i'd like to know if our personalities can be partly pre-determined by the type of mood our mothers were having during the pregnancy. like if they were in constant fights with their husband, would it affect the child? would the child have a likelier shot of growing up aggressive because of the chemicals flowing through the mother's brain and, therefore, through the child's body?

okay, good night.