How I Imagine it

i wonder if there was ever a lawsuit involving someone who self-destructively proved there is a wrong way to eat a reese's.

i was thinking about it while i enjoyed a pair of reese's peanut butter cups on my fifteen minute break.

by the way, there is something very lonely about not having someone to give the second cup.

see, throughout the history of reese's, their slogan has only changed three times:

1. "two great tastes that taste great together." (1970's-1980's)
2. "there's no wrong way to eat a reese's." (1990-2000)

the second slogan spawned tons of clever advertisements-- both print and television. and it wasn't until yesterday that i realized they had dropped it for their third, and current, slogan:

3. "perfect."

for the life of me, i can't imagine why a company would throw away such a solid slogan for something that is not only a bold exaggeration, but not even a complete sentence. it can't just be that they were tired of saying, "there's no wrong way to eat a reese's."

you can't get tired of that! it was a god damn gold mine and everyone knows that. it's the only thing more genius than tap, tap plastic. the fantastic plastic place! because it not only opened the doors for endlessly creative advertisements, but it actually tom sawyered kids into creating advertisements for the company.

it doesn't get better than that.

what kind of slogan is "perfect"?

and no matter how much i think about the reasons behind changing the phrase, my mind keeps circling right back to one burning thought: someone broke their neck while doing a backflip and trying to swallow a reese's at the same time.

from there, reese's might have tried, "there are a few wrong ways to eat a reese's" but given up when they realized it just didn't have the same ring.

or a very classy, lawsuit-dodging, "there is no wrong* way to eat a reese's" with a paragraph of warnings at the bottom of every ad and that micro machine voice actor speeding through a list of potential ways a reese's peanut butter cup might kill you.

but after trying and trying to re-work their genius catch-phrase, i imagine they gave up. they probably had one more meeting with their advertising gurus-- who had since become alcoholics-- in which they expressed how much they hated when gymnasts knew much about the judicial system.

"that fucking guy. that fucking guy. we had the slogan."

"what else have we got? we can come up with another."

"no we can't. that gymnast fucked us. we need a slogan by tomorrow or we're all fired and all because some jackass thought he could do a backflip while eating our candy."

"we need one by tomorrow? no one told me this!"

"by tomorrow. or we're all fired."

"perfect."

"...perfect?"