Corporate Snippets 6

let's cut straight to the chase. or is it the catch? let's just get to the point.

around 9pm last night, the following sounds from the following video floated beyond my cubicle wall and into my unsuspecting ears:

it was followed by a horrible children's song about the feathers of a turkey and the various (four) colors in which they come.

because one of my colleagues had a client specifically request three things:

1. thanksgiving songs
2. the lyrics to the alka-seltzer jingle (plop, plop, fizz, fizz, what a relief it is!)
3. that his contact name be changed from "mr. mastermind" to "dr. mastermind"

and believe me, i've heard worse. my desk is situated between three different accounts and it happens the account to my right attracts clients who... well, let's say they don't know how to operate google and they tend to want strange things like a white leather four-leafed clover within 30 miles of west palm beach by 5pm tomorrow.

it's important.

sometimes i'm very grateful i was put on an account that has clients who are well-read, polite and intelligent (98% of the time). but that 2% can sometimes even things out.

here and there we'll get what i like to call a client who is cute-in-a-stupid-way.

"and if you could provide me with an email, i'll send you the confirmation of your purchase."

"oh, ok," she said, "does it have to be my personal email? or can it be my work email?"

"that's entirely up to you," i said, "whichever you'd like me to send this receipt to."

"okay, then let's use my work email if that's okay."

"sounds perfect to me, go ahead."

"it's 'rudystacos4112@---.com'"

"'rudystacos4112@---.com as in the tacos which are in the posession of rudy?"

"yes."

"4112@---.com?"

"yes."

if that was her work email i would hate to hear her personal email. mind you i have to censor her exact email address-- i'm okay with not being fired-- but i assure you the domain name was not anything professional or redeeming like "tacocompany.com" or even "gmail.com" it was on par with "aol.com" or "hotmail.com".

i think i would pay money to see where that client works.

but those calls aren't nearly as fun as the stupid-in-a-bitter-drunk-way calls.

"i need to know if i can take bottles of liquor back to greensboro, north carolina if i'm flying," she slurred.

"well," i started, "i've actually run across this before and as it turns out, the rules and regulations are highly determined by the airline you've chosen and the specific airports you'll be--"

"oh great. delta. i'm flying delta," she moaned, " and these stewardesses-- yes, i said stewardesses and not flight attendants-- these stewardess were a pack of geriatric beeotches. i'm pouring a soda-- a soda-- and she says to me, 'um, red flag! do you know you can't mix your own cocktails on board?' and i look at her and just what a bitch-- excuse my language."

"i am very sorry to hear about that," i said with no idea what else to say.

"it's not like i'm some kid in my twenties, causing trouble in the airport, drinking all this alcohol," she shouted, "i'm fifty years-old. i'm an adult!"

i'm still not sure if that statement offended me or not.