Birth Control to Major Tom

back when i was eighteen i came up a theory that i thought would've lead to male birth control and tasty sperm.

essentially, it works like this: when a male ejaculates, the testicles, prostate gland, and cowper's gland all go into fantastic spasms-- each one serving its own purpose. sperm comes from the testicles and semen comes from the prostate.

the cowper's gland, however, has no purpose outside coating sperm with a basic material so as to survive in the acidic vagina.

my plan was to find a way to trick the cowper's gland into thinking it had fired its wad in the same way we've managed to trick the female body into thinking it's already released an egg. or, at the very least, tie off the cowper's gland till babies were necessary (slightly better than a full-on vasectomy.)

this would not only decrease the chances of sperm surviving, but would make jizz taste less bitter and more sweet. like smoothies, if you will. warm smoothies.

most scientists ignored my letters and nasa informed me that it was not their field of expertise.

well, years later, they've created what's believed to be the first male birth control pill-- not the way i had thought it'd be done, it's been created nonetheless.

"The scientist behind the male pill discovery has developed a tablet that removes a vital protein in sperm that is required for a woman to conceive.

So while sperm still get through to the uterus they are unable to fertilise an egg.

A big drawback against men being in control of fertility is the fear they would forget to take a pill.

Polls have repeatedly shown wives and partners do not trust their men to remember to pop a pill every day."

[via telegraph]

that article hurts me as a male. a "big drawback" is that we'll forget to take the pill? nice. that's about as fair as saying, "a big drawback to the female birth control pill is that women fucking lie and could be taking a tic-tac for you all you know."

let me just say, i have never heard of a man intentionally getting a woman pregnant to keep her from breaking up with him.

it is true that women will have to bear most of the consequence if a man were to forget to take his pill, but i promise men don't want accidental babies any more than women do-- perhaps even less.

anyway, that aside, the scientists managed to manufacture the male pill so it can last anywhere from one to three months and we irresponsible can't-do-anything-right-without-the-help-of-our-wives men can forget all we want.

i do recognize that men will never be fully considered intellectual/responsible creatures by the majority of females until we can actually give birth ourselves, but this is at least a start.

i'm still waiting on more direct scientific proof that the man-period exists. i heard it has a three month cycle rather than a one month and i'm pretty sure i'm man-pmsing right now