The World of Man-Shaving & Me

on my eighteenth birthday i received a letter from the government, and a package from gillette. they'd sent me a free mach3 razor and shaving gel. that has got to be one of the smartest moves i've seen a company ever invent, because i still use a mach3 to this day.

NEW 3 BLADES ACTION! FRVVVVVVOOOOOOMM!!! CHAPOW!!

when i shave, i feel like i'm breaking the sound barrier-- THREE TIMES!

the world of razors is a funny place. they all sort of got stuck after the mach3-- with three razors already in place nobody was too sure where to go. and they scrambled like the television trying to decide how much bigger, flatter, and hd they could get before people stopped noticing a benefit.

there was the vibrating model of the mach3 which claimed the small vibrations of the razor would stimulate your face-skin, thus raising your hair follicles, and rendering them easier to trim effectively.

travis' has a shick quattro with a tiny electric razor attached to the back of it. it's actually the x-men edition. the razor itself looks absolutely normal, but it was sold in a box covered in the superheroes. so when you shave you can imagine you're wolverine. i'd buy it, too.

i think it had a total of five blades (not counting the electric portion). there were four main blades and one tiny blade with the intention of saying, YOU KNOW HOW IT'S HARD TO SHAVE CERTAIN PARTS OF YOUR MUSTACHE? NOW NEW TINY BLADE CAN!

there can't be a benefit to adding one tiny blade to a razor because the whole evolution of razors has always been that one blade was not enough-- so one tiny blade is certainly not going to have secret powers that old razors were unaware of.

the best thing shick ever did was address lady-bush and pube-carving-- that was revolutionary.

but gillette's birthday razor was still the best marketing tactic.

and about five years after my eighteenth birthday, gillette starting handing out their fusion model. the mach3 was not high-tech enough for the young adults of today.

the fusion had five main blades, one tiny mustache-accuracy blade, and a swively head for maximum steering control. it also had a tiny soap bar attached to maintain blade smoothness at all times.

but when i don't use craft-scissors, i still use my trusty mach 3.

and, amidst all of this blade-marketing, simon has gone ultra-old school and bought a straight-razor. at this stage he doesn't do much beyond sharpen it by his window-- which looks so completely film noir that i actually took a picture of it.


but i haven't actually seen him use it.

the plan is he and i will travel to polk street and have a grand conversation with a straight razor professional. they exist, apparently. i'm intrigued, even if i only have to shave once a month before my half-asian genes make the process worthwhile.

i'm curious to see if the chat with a blade-pro will charm simon into putting the razor to use, or if this will all just be in the name of good conversation and a few cheap jabs at my bad hair.

both ways, i'm down.