"what do you call a medical student who graduated at the bottom of their class?a doctor."
my uncle told me that one. i like it.
see, according to your statistics, my drinking and smoking habits will shave anywhere between ten and fifteen years off my life. and, if my childhood was ever considered traumatic, i'll lose another twenty years. then, because of pollution, i can subtract a maximum of ten more years. lack of regular [or eight nightly hours of] sleep loses me a good three years, too. also, eating red meat increases my chances of heart disease by a healthy 50%.
that's kind of a horrible thing to tell someone-- isn't it? no wonder dr. doom, dr. alchemy, dr. octopus, dr. sivana, and dr. strange were all super-villains.
if all of this is true-- and the average male lives to the age of 75-- it means i have a fantastic chance of heart disease, and will die sometime between next year and the time i'm 39.
maybe i should really cut back on my childhood trauma since it's doing more than smoking, drinking, and lack of sleep combined.
man.
good thing i'm immortal.
- president wishnack
p.s. you killed my father, now prepare to die.
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