I Can Tell You What's Important

back when i was feasting on caffeine and failing interviews, i applied to a series of temporary jobs including the dodgeball referee gig, and a position as a water cooler supervisor (freal). sometimes the amount of money i have is inversely proportionate to the amount of fun i have-- and aside from dodgeball, i'd also landed a $100 brand ambassador gig which loosely involved walking across the golden gate bridge at 6:30am, march 2nd-- or today.

i took this shot in september and it is in no way accurate of what the bridge looks like 315 days out of the year.

luckily, just after i spent my last $1.51, i was hired for 55 hours of work a week at a job that was fully aware i have something of a mind for chaos, impulsive decisions, and whiskey.

so i sort of forgot about the golden gate bridge gig.

till recently. see, i received some final paperwork and a short email informing me that the walk would now begin at 8am (rather than 6:30) and, more importantly, included this fine sentence:

At check-in, all team members are required to sign a confidentiality, non-disclosure, and indemnification. This statement says that you agree not to discuss this event with any other corporations, media, or entities unless expressly permitted to. This means under no circumstances may you blog, facebook, tweet, etc…

oh, the internet and how it has grown. i remember outwardly admitting i was selling weed on my old dot com back in the early 2000's. it didn't matter. thousands of people read that site a day, and it still didn't matter. nobody used the internet to crack down on crime, or do a whole lot more than masturbate and download music illegally.

but things are different now. i've mentioned how many times my "Dear ______" letters have gotten a reply, and how it feels like companies spend their days googling themselves to see what the public thinks. these days, i even ask friends if they're alright with me posting their real names on my blog beforehand. it's an odd thing.

i wrote back to the event coordinator.

Hi there,

I see that you have mentioned quite clearly that we cannot blog about our experiences come this Wednesday, March 2. I write constantly about how easy it is to survive in the city if you are creative, willing to try new things, and generally don't mind drinking water for dinner. Naturally, being paid $100 to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge while **** falls directly in line with my motto.

I know that the sentence is bold and underlined, but can I ask for some more specific clarification? Would it be acceptable for me to write about the event without mentioning your company name, the reason for the ****, or anything that would directly link us together? I'd really just like to mention that I walked over the bridge at 8am and got paid for it. I would also mention that I found the gig via craigslist. Is that acceptable or should I stray from it entirely?

Please let me know when you have the chance!

Thanks,
Steven

and while my blog posts seem to find the right ears with no trouble, my emails generally do not. so i didn't expect a response. i figured i would get nothing back, just go about my way at the bridge event, blog about it, and hope no one ever tried to stop me. sort of like every other job i've had.

but i was wrong. i received a very quick, and very friendly response. that response was this:

Steven,

This requirement actually stems from an incident of a person blogging negatively about an event with this client. We staged a battalion of 100 people dressed as **** soldiers for the **** conference as a PR stunt in **** last summer. One of the Brand Ambassadors, of **** descent, felt demeaned about wearing the **** uniform even though he voluntarily accepted the position and knew what he would be participating in.

Our client found the blog and did not react well, so for this client we ask all BAs to refrain from blogging, facebooking, or tweeting, etc… details of the events.

Thank you for asking and I really appreciate you telling me before hand about your blogging. I’ll tell you what, if you’d be willing to send the text of your entry before publishing I’d be happy to review it and point out anything that our client may have an issue with. I hate that this sounds like censorship, but my job is to protect my company’s business and maintain the goodwill of our clients.

Thanks,
****

wow. i'm definitely no stranger to complaining about job-related experiences, but i've never willingly signed up for a one-day event and then whined about being asked to do what i was hired for. as someone who has done plenty of events as a brand ambassador, i can tell you there are little to no surprises involved: you are prepped, and made well-aware of your job before you're even hired-- there is virtually no excuse for the behavior mentioned above.

in fact, if you knew what words existed behind my censoring asterisks, you would probably agree that this blogging complainer only got hired because he fit the bill. in other words, he was getting free money by just being born lucky. for him to then turn around and bitch that it was unfair and uncomfortable is like a tall person complaining that they were able to reach the cookie jar even when it was put on top of the cabinet.

cry.

anyway, through our mutual agreement that the previous brand ambassador was a huge bitch, i've been given permission to write about my experiences after march 15th-- if i so desire. and i might just desire-- i tend to.

i should also add that [despite my life as a tour guide] today will be the first time i ever walk across the golden gate bridge. i've crossed it 9073097453 times via double-decker tour bus, but never with my two chuck taylors and chicken legs.

and i must say, getting paid $100 to do it is certainly not the worst way to lose my bridge-walking virginity.

... in hindsight, that phrasing may have gone wrong. it's never a good idea to include the word "virginity" in a sentence that already has the words "paid $100."

take it as you will.

if it rains, i get paid an extra $25.

take that as you will, as well.