Dear Flacalinda78

you're too late, really.

first you were too early, and now you're too late. it's just like that movie: big fish with ewan mcgregor and the little girl who grows up to be helena bonham carter.

but i wish you would stop bothering me.

when i was new to the internet and used aol chatrooms to teach me to type, and to lie about my age and overall appearance, you would've been a fantastic find. i would've eaten up all of your words and orgasmed on my leg.

but i wouldn't have given you my credit card number because i didn't have one. i've actually only had a bank account for three years now-- so i was a lost cause from the start.

at least, though, when i was that young i might've appreciated hearing your sexual words via aol's instant messenger. either way, you were too early.

and now you're too late.

now i have a bank account, but i have no need for sexual instant messages.

i suppose i asked for this. you used to message me every day and you would always say things like, "want to see pix? click this link!" and i would never click this link because i knew it would lead to a series of digital viruses in the same way the real world and real sluts can lead to real viruses.

but, one day, you messaged me and i was bored. so i decided to dick about and see what you had to say. maybe you remember this conversation:

flacalinda78: gonna change my clothes ... want to see ?

flacalinda78: stick it in me baby

PRESIDENT WISHNACK: like, in the usb port?

PRESIDENT WISHNACK: i don't get how

flacalinda78: wanna play on cam?

flacalinda78: click http://www.yourprivateshow.com/3s5f ..k, now fill out ur info ..don't worry it's FREE .... ..give it a second to load ..when you get in we'll make a private room ....k?

PRESIDENT WISHNACK: butt-babies fight over the grandest waffles in all of the world! syrups is limited!

flacalinda78: i use this site to play on cuz i don't want to be recorded !...this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam! you know?

flacalinda78: credit card is just to verify your age, you'll get in for free thru my page but you need to verify that you're an adult ...can't show ass and pussy to minors .. u know?

and now you won't leave me alone. you message me every single day-- always saying the same "hi sexy." we're not even dating, lady.

your friends message me, too. mdemos1201, jenevahqd, celinax69, alexkotula, applesjeansbttm, mealniejzwu, ijules, madom542002, terriumu, and vestaxirn, too.

look, had you got me when i was twelve i would've been very excited to hear this sort of thing-- i would've had no money, but i would've been excited. it's just i'm not interested in online flirting anymore. i still don't have money, but now i'm also uninterested.

it's nothing personal: you have me convinced, wholly, that you are a human. and a very sexy human, too. and i really do believe you when you say you've "just stepped out of the shower" seven times a day. it's all very enticing-- but i don't know if i deserve such a clean woman.

so how about leave me alone. at least helena bonham carter called it quits when she realized she was too late. she went and became a witch, i think. though it's hard to tell if that's what tim burton was trying to say or if he'd just chosen to cast her as two different characters because she's his wife in real life.

the point is, i'm not interested in seeing your vagina on a webcam-- even though you've thoroughly explained your amazing squirting capabilities-- and i really wish you would just back off.

unarousedly,
president wishnack

p.s. you hacked travis' chat the other night and started messaging me as if you were him looking to share his pussy with me. it really confused me and i think it frustrated him. so please just cut it out-- you're not winning me over this way.