Shoe Snippets

in light of the tour guiding snippets and credit card concierge snippets, i figured i may as well share some conversation from the shoe store.

the first one is long and i'm not sure if it's still quite a "snippet", but i'm also unsure if there is a word-count that determines the usage of "snippet". so there is one long one and a few regular sized snippets.

enjoy.

scents and such

i must've had almost ten different scents on me after it all. there is something that overwhelms me about showering-- i don't know if it's just that i'm very picky about the temperature of water, or if it just strikes me a bit boring when done alone and only with the purpose of cleaning. but it's overwhelming one way or another.

i did it because the shoe store can be a sweaty experience. one of the reasons i wanted a retail job was to discipline myself-- and in that way, it's working: i'm showering and doing laundry practically on a regular basis.

but i was covered in a gang of clean smells. my body wash is irish spring-- mostly because it's all the corner store sold-- and i use head & shoulders 2 in 1 shampoo. on top of that was toothpaste and listerine completed with burt's bees chapstick.

and then finally my cologne.

i only sprayed a single spray of the stuff, but even that felt a bit ridiculous. with my shampoo and toothpaste and all, what was another scent really going to do? i was starting to become an olfactory cake made with jelly beans, caramel, sprinkles, whipped cream, and everything delicious but no batter to balance it out.

dave and i discussed the superfluous aspects of cologne. and the possibilities of pheromones.

either way, the shower was necessary because i was headed to work and it was black friday. i would be there till midnight at the least, closing up the most creative display of disregard known to humankind.

"excuse me," she said in an english accent. she was chinese and i was briefly distracted by that.

"how's it going?"

"the display shoe is a 6.5, but i can't find the one it goes with. these shoes are really cute and i want them, but i don't think there's a pair," she explained.

"that happens all the time," i said, "people can be very creative with where they hide shoes, but they tend to be nearby. i'd be glad to help you find it."

i began looking through each box because there is no other way of finding a hidden shoe-- a mismate-- and i'd be lucky if the shoe was at least in the right aisle.

"oh, no," she said, "you don't have to look through all the boxes. it's okay!"

"it's okay," i said, "i'm here till midnight no matter what i do, this at least kills time."

she said something clever about how she was only affecting the way i would spend my hours and not the length of hours i would stay. it was smart and well-spoken, but i don't remember the wording and i'd probably butcher it.

"and here it is!"

the shoe was in the middle box on the very bottom row.

"thank you so much" she said,"this may sound odd, but can i ask you a question?"

"sure," i said, "go ahead."

"are you wearing cologne?"

"yeah, i am."

"is it by armani?"

"yeah, it is."

"is it gio?"

"haha, yes. wow."

"i like it."

"thank you, i can't believe you could tell what it was."

cheap and classic

call it what you will, but of all the jobs i've had there has always been an unfortunately reliable similarity: indian people will always ask for a discount. camera stores, pet stores, tour buses, improv shows, haunted mansions, haunted mazes, and even shoe stores.

if you've ever heard me mumble, "$70 is fine." you have heard me mimic the time i was selling $120 worth of tickets for $80 to a man who arrived later than he said he would. he looked me in the eye and stated, "$70 is fine." i laughed and told him $80 was fine before reminding him that he was late. and then he just repeated that $70 was fine as if he were a jedi and could persuade me quickly and effectively like religious bumper stickers try to do.

"you can't just say the price you want is fine," i said firmly, "and expect that i will hear it and decide you're right. $80 is fine. $80 is already a discount."

i almost didn't want to sell them the tickets after that conversation.

at the shoe store, two indian men waved me down to show me a pair of shoes and ask shoe-related questions.

"what is the discount?" the first man asked immediately.

$70 is fine.

"well," i said, "it's been marked down from $165 to $69. i suppose that would be the discount."

"but there is no discount?" the second man asked.

"besides the actual discount?" i asked.

"we saw these shoes at macy's for $120," the first man told me.

"okay," i said, "so if you were to buy these shoes here, you would be getting a discount."

"but there is no other discount?" the second man said with a smile.

i think i would hate the discount conversation so much less if it wasn't always presented with a smile.

i wasn't sure how i was about to respond and all i could think about were my times as a tour guide and this same experience. how certain countries were just more likely to cause a fit over a discount and leave without tipping.

and then a man stepped in.

"you guys saw these shoes at macy's for $120," he said, "and you see them here for $69, but you still want a discount?"

he looked at them for a response. nothing beyond blank smiles.

"you guys are awesome," the man said, "high-five!"

he put out his hand and they stared at it.

"another discount," he laughed, "high-five."

they high-fived him.

santa-con

on that day i saw a surprising number of santas near union square. i wouldn't have expected to see them somewhere so touristy, but they were there in great numbers.

a few santas and a few elves made their way to our shoe store and i talked to them immediately. i wanted to know if the event was still going on.

"oh yeah," santa said, "my buddies went to get beer but i figured i'd get shoes."

"right on," i laughed, "i've always wondered if this weirds kids out. you know: to see a bunch of santas smoking cigarettes, drinking beers."

"you're right," he laughed.

then it got a little awkward and so i told santa i'd be wandering about but he was welcome to tackle me if he needed any sort of assistance.

about ten minutes later he came to me.

"everything in this store is so beautiful," he said, "when you're on mushrooms."

what?

"are you?" i asked.

"yeah," he giggled, "and the lights and colors are so nice."

"wow," i said, "i personally wouldn't come here. but hey, if you're having fun! you should check out the elevators at the westin st. francis."

"good plan," he said fast, "i'm off!"

denmark to america to china from china

several people have approached me carrying a series of loose papers before, but they're usually just doctor recommendations, maps, or scientology literature. but there was a day an older man approached me with a piece of paper that had a tracing of a bare foot.

"can you help me find the size?" he asked.

"wow," i said looking at the foot-drawing, "that might be a little difficult. you don't know what size you're looking for?"

sometimes people from outside of america know their size only in, say, the european standard-- which would be a 39 rather than an 8-- and i thought maybe this man needed the same kind of help.

"no," he explained, "it's a surprise for my son. i can't ask him what size he is or he'll know i'm getting him the shoes."

"that's your son's foot?" i asked.

"yes," he said, "i need to find the size without him knowing."

"but how did you manage to trace his foot without him already knowing?" i asked.

"i am from denmark," he laughed.

i laughed, too. and i still don't know at what.