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i absolutely hate what they did to the asterisk.

of the punctuation marks, it was arguably my child-life favorite and still would be if it weren't for my discovery of the interrobang or the change in meaning of the asterisk. it was my favorite because it seemed to have no clear meaning or purpose-- it was the last of a magical kind.

the asterisk was just a series of intersecting lines that resulted in a star-shaped glyph left to make sentences prettier if you didn't mind breaking some grammatical rules. the asterisk was the class clown of punctuation marks-- it followed just enough guidelines to be allowed to cause double the trouble.

in novels, sometimes, i'd find three asterisks strung together to symbolize a time-lapse, or to bookend a quasi-tangent thought. sometimes the chapter would reach a point in which the character went to sleep, three asterisks, then the next morning. it was like the three little stars stood for whatever that character was dreaming about. and it was still magical.

but now, oh now, the asterisk is added to the ends of catch-phrases and amazing italic words with the same semi-dishonest mentality of a happy face spider. now, the asterisks means "we're lying, and here's how!"

you come across these gym advertisements scattered with lovely words like "FREE!" or "COMPLIMENTARY" and they're always followed by their trustworthy friend, the asterisk. on the other side of the ad, at the very bottom, the asterisk is back to say, "BUT NOT REALLY FREE OR COMPLIMENTARY, ACTUALLY!"

i hate that they did this to my favorite punctuation mark.

somewhere in the nineties, there must've been so many lawsuits. i was probably busy making worlds in sandboxes or catching bees, while lawyers were arguing about how they could prevent mcdonalds for being sued for serving hot coffee to dumb patrons. or how plastic bags, things smaller than six inches, or anything fun, might best be presented as a toy-- just not a toy for kids who might choke to death.

the asterisk was ruined.

i miss the days when wrapping your head in a plastic bag and suffocating before your parents cared to notice was just called "natural selection" and not "a ten million dollar lawsuit." the days when there weren't disclaimers for opinions, or warnings that ice cream is cold, and wet floors are slippery.

i miss when the asterisk was still magical, is all.

p.s. here's a fun fact: according to lysol's asterisk, there are many things the disinfectant can kill. one of them is herpes. true fact.

seems like they might want to have another asterisk informing users that spraying lysol on their genitals will not cure herpes and may actually cause further damage. you know, to avoid ten million dollar lawsuits.