What Exactly...

many things about my job have never made sense to me. i've tried playing their games (though the rules seem to take on a life of their own a majority of the time) and i'm currently playing my own game.

lately, things have grown even more confusing.

see, after my tuxedoed tell-off meeting with my manager, rumors spread quickly that i'd gotten the boss to throw chairs and scream and cry for three hours. i spent the majority of my return explaining that it only lasted an hour and a half and there were no chairs thrown. though, the manager might have been crying, because he did leave the building immediately afterward.

then, that night, i stayed up late watching a clockwork orange with friends while drinking beers, and smoking cigarettes till the sun came up. i'm pretty sure i did this subconsciously aware that i wouldn't wake up to my alarm and i'd be late to work.

because that's exactly what happened. except that i didn't show up late. i just didn't show up.

i toyed with the idea of calling to let them know i wouldn't be coming in, but realized i had no great excuse for why short of "i don't really feel like it today," and so i didn't call. i watched inception and ran some quick errands instead. and it felt great. i had a saturday.

i really did mean to go to work on sunday, but i must've forgotten to set an alarm entirely after saturday night and woke up at 2pm instead.

so i just spent the day creating some art that i had put off for too long.

all-in-all, i didn't do very much with my weekend, but that was possibly the best part. i wouldn't have done very much had i been at work-- i would've done less in fact-- i just would've been paid. but i got to do whatever i wanted for once. i got to see the sun and i got to order food at a restaurant rather than online. i've re-realized time after time, there is no dollar amount you can pay me to be unhappy. i don't care if it's $60/hr there comes a day when i can no longer do it.

anyway, i came into work monday because i'd read somewhere that three no-call-no-shows in a row was a silent way for an employee to declare that they quit via "job abandonment" and i didn't want that.

i don't want my job, but i would rather be fired. i want them to decide i am not a fit for their company and not the other way around.

but here is the strangest thing i've experienced yet:

upon my return, i was not written up for my two consecutive absences-- i wasn't even spoken to by the manager until 10pm-- and i received a $100 bonus for absolutely no reason. perhaps a "shut your mouth and go back to being a robot" bonus, or perhaps something i simply missed. but there is no excuse for the lack of write-up. missing two days in a row without calling should be considered a freebie to that manager.

the only conversation i had with the manager was at the very end of my shift, after he had spent two hours in an office with our human resources lady. he approached me timidly and too politely considering i straight up did not come into work an entire weekend.

"how did you spend the time off? did you think about your situation here?" he asked me.

"no," i said, "i didn't think about work at all. that's why i didn't come in. and it was the greatest thing in the world."

"oh," he said, "that's good then."

during the entire conversation, my eyebrow was in a sort of perma-raise. i do not trust this man one slice. i don't know what went on between him and human resources, or what went on in his brain between the last argument we had and this conversation... but something was odd about it all.

"tell you what," he said, "maybe we can try switching you to an earlier shift for a few days out of the week. that way, you can do things with your day after work and it won't dominate your week so much."

"yeah..." i said slowly, still eyebrowy, "i just want to see the sun more often."

what i gather here is that i told my boss to fuck off in so many words, didn't come into work for two days and didn't let them know i had no plans of coming in and all of it resulted in a bonus, potential schedule change-- to exactly what i had asked for originally-- and thirty minutes of genuine ass-kissing from a manager.

this is way too much like office space.

are they just trying to silence the person who brings up what's wrong rather than fixing what's wrong? because i promise keeping me on the team while not addressing our problems is going to brew some major chaos-- regardless of what bonuses or shifts they provide. this is about many more concierge than just myself.

anyway, this wednesday and thursday i plan to visit good ol' san jose and spend some time with my mom. it should be a nice and necessary getaway.

and i need to bring select costumes for my next formal business day at work...