Paging Al Gore

during the days of extensive marijuana-smoking and porch-dwelling, a few of us had read an article in which a man had declared ownership of the moon and most of the planets in our solar system.

it's articles like that one that kept weed-induced debates entertaining. there's also a good chance that the new moon-owner was high when he made his discovery-- it was too brilliant and overlooked to be done by a sober, straight-minded man.

anyway, he had realized that the only law regarding stellar objects was that no country could claim ownership. but this man was not a country. this man was a man. boom. now he owns the moon and sells lunar property to the likes of john travolta.

so, up came the question, "why don't we own the sun, then?"

"you can't own the sun," i explained, "that's different."

"but we thought you couldn't own the moon," wes responded, "how is it different?"

"i don't know," i admitted, "but i would think if it could be done the moon-man would've gotten that, too."

"maybe he just didn't want the sun."

and then we all realized an important fact: the sun is quite a bit of responsibility. no one should ever want to own that ridiculous star.

i don't remember where the conversation went from there, but we all agreed that we should never consider claiming ownership of the sun because it would open the doors to millions of lawsuits and would involve a certain kind of maintenance that none of us could be expected to uphold.

sorry about the solar flares, i'll get on that first thing monday morning!

while i was home for christmas, my uncle told me that someone has since declared themselves the owner of the sun. apparently, this lady had heard the same story about the man and the moon and decided there was nothing stopping her from the sun.


i looked it up, and it's true. the lady's name is angeles duran and she lives in spain. you can read more here. or you can just read my summarized version by not leaving this blog.

in ms. duran's mind, "it is time to start doing things the right way, if there is an idea for how to generate income and improve the economy and people's wellbeing, why not do it?

oh, you saint!

what she meant by that was that she plans to slap a fee on the sun-- anyone using it will have to start paying for it like they pay for the internet. half of the proceeds will go toward the spanish government and 20% to the nation's pension funds-- or a total of 70% of the sun-money to spain. with the remaining money, 10% will be put toward ambiguous research, 10% toward ending world hunger, and 10% to herself-- because why not?

firstly, i am not paying to use the sun and i would like to see you try and make me. if you can find a way to turn the sun off maybe i'll change my mind. but i would be curious how you might manage to turn off the sun only for those who didn't pay, while keeping it shining for those who did.

secondly, there is no legal way to own property that you've just stumbled across unless you can prove that you've been using it for a very long time. and she has. she stated that being alive for 49 years gives her nearly fifty years of relationship with the sun-- thus allowing her to declare it yours. however, she failed to realize that using her 49 years of life as a loophole has also inadvertently deemed all sun-related mishaps her responsibility so long as they happened in the last 49 years.

...i move that anyone with skin cancer, sun-burns, or car accidents related to glares, sues angeles duran.

she should've properly labeled the sun so that we were all aware of what it could do to our bodies and overall safety.

and in not-funny court-related news: Court OKs searches of cell phones without warrant