It [re]Begins

shortly after i was purposefully fired from my credit card concierge job, i received a call from an actress i had once cast in a horrible attempt at a serious film. she called to thank me for showing her it was possible to quit a soul-sucking job. and to tell me that she had quit, too.

i still don't know how to put my feelings on that one in words.

it's a bit like mythbusters: don't try what i try at home. not because i'm a professional, but because i am possibly an idiot.


remember?
so here it is. i'm back to the me that most of you don't know. the me that existed for a lifetime before this blog. the one that dug through his middle school's trashcans in hopes to find enough recyclable cans to complete his "i'm moving to college fund" a week before college started. the guy who has eaten a can of tuna with ketchup and called it dinner. the me before the me that worked as a tour guide and made hundreds of dollars in tips every night. the me who writes fragmented sentences and then just moves onto another paragraph.

after rent and p.g.&e., i had a healthy $79 in my checking account and $28.10 floating in that weird financial limbo that exists between checking accounts and paypal accounts. my scrappy little wallet had one token for a free beer at kennedy's, and my ice cream cone bank had roughly $9 in change.

also, i had $20 to delivery.com courtesy of my days at that credit card concierge office.

anyway, this is what i mean when i say, "i'd rather be unemployed during a recession than work for you." it's not a gimmick and it's not a sentence meant for dramatic effect. it's just a ridiculous fact sometimes. and when i leave jobs i am fully aware of the potential consequences. sort of.

but the lack of money didn't exactly cause me to panic. in some ways, i'm more used to being in that situation than i am any other. i think i'm a little scared of money, actually-- which is one more reason why i may be an idiot.

but part of the reason i didn't panic is because it always works out. just after digging for aluminum cans to finance college, i received a call from a friend's mother who was offering me a $300 gig to help her edit chemistry books. and just after i left the concierge job i was hired as an illustrator. it just always works out.

well, just after checking my bank account i was called into an interview at a nightclub. they were hiring barbacks and had no care about experience.

obviously i saw this as the same standard lifesaver i'd received after every impulsive financial decision i've made.

but i was pretty wrong. i showed up fifteen minutes early for my interview and she showed up thirty minutes late. after a long walk in north beach and too many smokes, i met her outside the club for another smoke and what i thought was a casual conversation but turned out to be a six minute unprofessional interview. she asked no questions that might help her understand whether or not i'd be a good worker and seemed more interested in whether or not i was bi-racial.

and i didn't get the job.

i would've liked to work at a nightclub, but i do hate people who are late to meetings and perhaps it's better that she didn't become my boss.

the only downside being i still have no job and no means of income outside of loving doodle's illustrations which are quite a bit rarer than i'd hoped.

at this point it should be noted that i couldn't will myself to return to the shoe store after the holiday break because it wasn't mentally stimulating enough. and it's around this part of the story that most people shake their heads and mumble something about how i need to grow up. and that is definitely true. but if your definition of "growing up" means returning to a mind-numbing shoe store that pays just above minimum wage and consists of an 18 year-old cast, i'm worried for you. my definition of it all is what drove me to leave.

so, after scouring my computer for a variety of things, i did manage to pull a few strings and raise my finances from the original $79 to $192. but there is an unquestionable new level of panic in my belly knowing i am only waiting to hear back from the camera store before i can safely decide how fucked or unfucked i am.

...this happened around the same time last year, which is why the "idiot" thing keeps coming in. but hey, what does that say about those of you who have been reading this blog long enough to remember that?

i had thought about pretending none of this was going on and ignoring the topic-- at least here on my blog-- but i think it may be better that i do let you know where i am. in case one of you wanted to be my sugar mama, or offer me a job. hopefully a job that involves costumes or learning parkour.

but also so you know exactly what battle goes on in my head when it comes to jobs and finances-- even if it makes little sense-- and because it may be interesting to catalog what i'm doing to make ends meet as the month grows closer to rent-paying time. i have no doubt i will make it out of this the same way i made it out of six or seven similar situations-- but i have no doubt it will be doubly as stressful.

and please, if you ever quit your job do not thank me for inspiring you. it makes me feel like a shiny piece of poop.