Fashionably Irrate

i know few heterosexual males who will choose to wear a ruffle shirt as often as me ever. but i've always thought those shirts were simply too rad to have anything to do with sexuality. in fact, the most common reaction a ruffle shirt receives is strangers wanting badly to caress it without hesitation.

the reason i bought my first ruffle shirt was high school. those of you who knew me then should know i had/have a slight problem with buying costumes and wearing them to places that don't necessarily call for costumes. i needed a pink ruffle shirt to go with my white tailcoat. i wanted to look a bit like a deranged cotton candy salesman and i think i pulled it off with great success.

sometime afterward there was likely a laundry fiasco that resulted in my wearing the ruffle shirt as if it were just a regular shirt meant to be worn while doing mundane things like purchasing coffee or reading a book. and eventually it grew into a shirt i wore as regularly as any other shirt.

once, with my first love, a ruffle caught her lip ring and tore it clean out. this is one of the many things that went on my list of REASONS I WILL NEVER BE CONSIDERED ROMANTIC.

but it didn't stop me from wearing the shirt any more than constipation stops me from thinking poop is funny.

then, back when i was studying psychology at a community college, i got a second ruffle shirt. this one was white with black threading that ran along the tips of each ruffle. it was gifted to me by a professional figure skater on account that it was too small for his torso and i was likely the only other male he knew might wear it.

and i definitely did.


now, the reason i've decided to write about these two ruffle shirts is that they have both been stolen from me by people i had reason to trust. or maybe trust had nothing to do with it-- i just assumed no one would want to do much more than borrow a ruffle shirt and that it was far too ridiculous a clothing item to steal.

the white shirt was the first to go. i lent it to a host at the restaurant i used to work at during 2007 so that he could wear it for his 21st birthday. then he moved to new york. with my shirt.

i wasn't particularly bothered by the fact because the shirt was originally given to me for free and because i still had my pink shirt.

but that was till very recently.

the pink ruffle shirt was lent to a coworker who needed a clean shirt. and, as you likely know, i don't commonly have very many clean shirts as i do not commonly do my laundry. the pink ruffle shirt was the only one i could offer.

without going too far into details, let me say that the shirt is now being held hostage and i would rather not go try and rescue it.

instead, here are pictures of the two thieves. the man lives in new york with my white ruffle shirt and the woman lives in san francisco with my pink. the dog is innocent to the best of my knowledge.


i turned the photos black and white for dramatic effect.

as it stands, the majority of the visitors to this blog are coming from either the san francisco bay area or new york itself-- so there's a good chance some of you have run into one of these two characters unknowingly.

well, now you know they are thieves. the next time you see them, slap them in the face for me. maybe compliment their shirt, and then slap them across the face. so they know.

i'm not too sure about the legalities involved in posting photos of people and recommending that you install physical harm to them-- but i'm also not too sure about the legalities involving stealing my fucking ruffle shirts and thinking i'll just forget.

so slap them. slap them hard.