i am not someone who ogles or does a double-take to check a girl out. i don't enjoy standing with a group of men discussing how big her tits were or whether or not i am an ass man. i have a type of girl i'm physically attracted to-- that's just nature-- but i'm not actually interested until i've had a conversation with them. and generally, we need to have a debate in that conversation.
that's what i would've said a few months ago and at any time previously in my life.
but, over the past few months, i've sworn off relationships and i've greatly lessened my vagina meetings. and it's amazing what's happening to my brain. i can literally feel myself growing more and more perverted as a result.
it's easy to walk down the street without drooling over any of the city's gorgeously fit women when you know you'll be coming home to your own pretty lady. there is a calmness inside.
i remember reading the average american male and being wholeheartedly offended at how often the guy masturbated, or how every woman was a potential titty-fuck to him. every page i read infuriated me because he was declaring himself the typical guy, yet stood for everything women hate and everything i prided myself in not being. actually, i think i once referred to the book as the greatest literary cockblock in america.and now, while i still disagree with most of what he wrote, i understand more of it. when i was constantly in a relationship, there was no desire to ogle or discuss lady parts with friends-- if anything, it was mildly discomforting. and because i didn't want to engage in such conversation, i felt less of a man-- it's just one of those many things you have to do as a man, apparently.
but there's something strange that happens in our brains-- i can feel it happening now-- it's the odd illogical part comes to life after being single for a while. it screams to you, "maybe if you walk a pomeranian down union street, a cute girl will flirt with you and then want to have sex because you have a puppy and that's how it works."
and then there the other part of my brain that comes in and says, "do you actually want to have meaningless sex anyway?" and it reminds me how one-night stands are not a whole lot different than glorified masturbation. if there is no emotion involved, the experience is a bit like a living fleshlight.
but the odd, sex-powered, side of my mind is a great manipulator. it manages to control my thoughts quite a bit before my logical side comes back to warn me of unnecessary mistakes. and at times i'm wholeheartedly surprised at how lost in perversion i can get.
do we, as men, seriously have uncontrollable chemicals swimming about in our bodies making us assholes and liars at the price of sex? does this happen to women? i'm very curious. i've never experienced this-- but i've also not been single since i was fifteen-- so the experience is kind of like a great internal physiology study and i'm intrigued.
since remaining single and reducing my "play-time" in the name of bettering my life, i've found my thoughts to turn more and more perverted-- sometimes it even sneaks out into my sentences when i'm not thinking. i'm practically finding excuses to say the word "testicles" and it's the strangest thing. i never knew i could be like this.
i hope this post doesn't make anyone uncomfortable-- especially those of you in my family-- but i figured i'd write it because i'd like to hear from the female point of view. does this happen to women?
and i'm not asking, "do women feel sexually attracted to strangers sometimes?" what i'm trying to describe is almost an uncontrollable series of thoughts that forcefully show up in my brain as if they were thought by someone with an entirely different personality than me.
i'm confused by witnessing myself turn into the average american male, and i'm confused by not knowing whether girls think this way, too. i mean, men have pretty much one erogenous body part, whereas women have like forty. they also have multiple orgasms when it's done right. so how on earth did men wind up the hornier of the two?
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