And Here's What

it was the lack of internet; it was the eleven consecutive days of two jobs; it was the giants; it was global-warming; techboy, even; it was anything but my fault.

but i'm sorry for the lack of updates here on this ol' blog. sort of, anyway.

"your fondest dream will come true within this year"

i said it meant spiderman, but i got the illustration gig just a week or so afterward. my parents spent the majority of my childlife telling me i would become an illustrator and this all felt so very poetic. and the fortune cookie, which actually presented a fortune with a proper deadline, was so rare and magical i was sure it was in reference to my illustrations. i kept that secret meaning of the fortune cookie to myself because i was worried telling people would ruin the magic and i would lose the job.

it all made sense in my head.

at times i was very tempted to tell people what a wonderful thing that fortune cookie had done-- and i kept the fortune itself on my scrabble letter carrier where i keep my business cards so i could see it at any and all times. but i never told anyone what i thought it really meant. snapdragon.

superstition is a strange thing. it's funny because we all think, at times, that we are the main character of the story-- though we're not-- and we get offended when people do the same insensitive things we've done ourselves. why should they be allowed to make selfish mistakes when we are the main characters? yet, when we're actually good at something, we have trouble believing we're talented. we can come up with a million reasons why we are either not talented and simply mistaken, or talented because of powers beyond our own. it must be magic; it must be luck; it must be god; it must be that i was wearing dirty socks and i should never wash them again.

it must be because of the fortune cookie.

before i forget, did you know that "snapdragon" was actually a game in the 19th century played by children? yeah. a victorian christmas eve game. essentially, kids would fill a bowl with brandy and raisins before lighting it on fire. the game was sticking their faces into the flaming brandy and fishing out as many raisins as possible. yep. true story. look it up.

anyway, when i picked up the job at the shoe store two things occurred to me:

1. this would be the first job i didn't actually need.
2. if i lost the illustration job i would become the 25 year-old who works at a shoe store to pay rent.

in amongst the eleven days of work, a lot of things happened-- the giants happened, halloween happened, and more-- but for the most part i drew dragons and i sold shoes.

this is what i wanted. to be busy; to be necessary; to be out of the house; to watch girls try on boots on certain days. my fondest dream.

each day that i walked to the pier to draw on-site, i ran into an old concierge employee and felt mighty fine. it's strange how many previous jobs happened at fremont and howard-- the restaurant gig, the concierge bit, and even city sightseeing passes right through there.

a part of me imagined the concierge-folk to be a bit more upset with what i wrote and what i did in the offices when i had that job-- but it seems only mr. poopants was upset. and rightfully so. everyone else enjoyed it a great deal. i was told it was an office hit and asked by a manager if i ever thought about extending this blog to stand-up comedy. and for a moment i felt like a small celebrity.

one manager had even mistaken my walking by the offices as an employee dressed as me for halloween as a cruel prank.

nope, it was just actual-me. but it would've been cooler if someone really did dress as me-- though i'm still proud that he saw the idea as a reasonable and likely happening. that'll go down in my unofficial resume.

at the piers i could breathe in and remind myself, "i live in san francisco and that is amazing" while enjoying a view of the bay bridge and the sound of the giants annihilating the rangers. drawing dragons, sipping irish tea and being paid for the whole damn thing.

thank god for chinese people. thank god for that fortune cookie. this was truly my fondest dream.

and on friday it all changed-- in a bittersweet way. i think a lot of people are confused by the term "bittersweet" and at this particular time i mean it in reference to a situation which is both bitter and sweet to two parties-- but each party only gets one: they either get bitter or they get sweet.

david, my illustration boss, finally received funding for his iphone app. a healthy $60k. congratulations and handshakes all around!

but that app, unfortunately, was not snapdragon; it was not the app i illustrate for. it was something else. david considered manning both apps, but all of his business mentors suggested it's a bad idea to try and run two startups-- so one had to go.

the one that will go-- if no one offers funding within the next month-- is none other than my very own life-n-soul, snapdragon.

yeah, i got the bitter end of the bittersweet.

it was strange being in that conference room hearing the news. i found myself back at the first meeting i had had with david. it was the same conference room and i was trying the same tactic of charm. the first time i was in that room, i wanted to convince him i was the best human ever made and that he'd be foolish not to take me on. the second time i just wanted to leave gracefully i suppose. i didn't want him to feel bad and i spent all of my energy to help him feel like this wasn't such a terrible thing. i didn't want to ruin his celebratory mood-- after all, the guy just landed a $60,000 deal and that is a fond dream.

but you know, it's not so bitter. a part of me considers the entire adventure a nice vacation from the stress of working a spirit-robbing job. not everyone can say they took three months away from work and spent it worry-free drawing cartoons for a living. it's almost like the gods of chaos looked down and saw what nonsense i'd been through since my entrance to the working world and awarded me for my troubles.

and i not only earned a free wacom tablet out of the experience, but learned how to illustrate with adobe illustrator, too. i used to open illustrator in attempts to learn the ridiculous program and it would only remain open for a few seconds before i would say "fuck it" and closed it to watch funny videos of cats climbing into small jugs instead. this job forced me to learn an impossible program. and my portfolio and references list are looking saucy, as well.

this last month will be spent drawing snapdragon getting high in amsterdam. i remember laughing when i heard the assignment-- laughing at the fact that it was "work"-- that i could tell friends i had a hard day at work drawing stoned mythical creatures. i think that strip reconfirmed that i was spoiled and it couldn't last forever.

the whole thing was a gamble. when i walked into the first meeting with david i knew i was either entering what would be the end of all troubles and beginning of my wealthy life as an illustrator, or something that would be as quick and interesting as a hummingbird singing show-tunes.

but, i know that i've never had trouble finding my way through unexpected chaos anyhow. so in the end, who really cares? congratulations, david is good enough for me.

i did think this would last longer, but i've thought a lot of things would last longer than they did. i'm just happy it happened at all.

i suppose a lot of you were wishing this would happen. mr. poopants, ex-girlfriends, or maybe even the average blog-reader who can respect that i write better when i'm thrown into pure havoc. and you all got your wish. perhaps you pulled it from a fortune cookie; perhaps this was your fondest dream. who knows.