Intoxicated Poop Segment: The Series

Since President is way too lazy to actually keep track of Roman numerals that aren't his own, I am abandoning the numbering theme altogether in lieu of pithy one-liners, but keeping the "Intoxicated Poop Segment" part as an homage to the series. Besides, numbers are stupid.

Unless we're talking about Tiger population. I love a clean segue. Researcher are finding more accurate and less expensive means to tracking the dwindling tiger population in India. Apparently, this involves cataloging a mix of tiger footprints and tiger poop.  Unfortunately the article doesn't explain HOW it helps, but maybe it's a poop volume thing. They must have some calculations that say tigers poop a particular amount per tiger and see how much is in an area. Sounds like a fun job. You people should be accustomed to sarcasm here, right?

Poop is probably more important than people realize, at least for the sciency types like biologists and anthropologists. They study poop to find out what people's diets were a thousand years ago by finding the seeds and bones they pooped out back then. The anthropologists of the future are going to be screwed because now all our poop goes into the sewer and then off to a water treatment plan or big pipe that spills out into the ocean. They won't have anything to study and will have to settle for rummaging through landfills.

Who really needs to know this stupid stuff, like what berries human ate along with their woolly mammoth meat? Now, if they could do something practical, like get the formula for some lost and forgotten recipe for beer or wine, it might be worth it. I just can't imagine anyone waking up one day and declaring, "I want to dedicate my life to studying poop!". Ok, maybe President, but not anybody else.

I just can't think of a caption that is worthy of this, but it would probably be LOLcat related.