Moes Before Hoes

First off, let me express my frustration at the lack of apparent guidelines for pluralizing abbreviated (or otherwise) words ending in "o". When I was typing the title, I originally typed "Mos" but that looked like it should be pronounced "moss" (like Mos Def...or eh moss) so I stuck in the "e". Now it makes me think of several stooges with bowl-cuts. I went to the arbiter of all truth, the World Wide Web, but even the general public can't seem to decide whether it's supposed to be "Bros before Hos" or "Bros before Hoes". No problem seems to exist for "Bros", thank god. By the way, should it actually be "Whos" with a silent "W" given that it's short for "whores"? Of course you can see the obvious problem right there, but it does present an interesting reinterpretation of "Horton Hears a Who". I think we can all agree that the English language is seriously phucked up and leave it at that...and I'm sure everyone in England really appreciates that even though we threw out everything else, we kept the term "English" for our language.

Ok, now we can actually get to what this post is actually about, which is really not that much more interesting, but this way it looks like a lot more information. Apparently, the term "mo" is the common colloquialism for "mustache". Who knew? I thought it was "stache", but maybe that's too 70's for the Gen Z crowd. So is the next generation going to go back to the beginning of the alphabet, or start with numbers. Whomever coined "Gen X" really wasn't thinking ahead. But I digress...I found out about the mo when I ran across an online add for Movember, which is an illness awareness "event" trying to bring more attention to men affected by cancer, most notably, prostate cancer. The idea is to start clean shaven on November 1st and grow a "mo" until the end of the month. While I whole-heartedly endorse the underlying idea of increased awareness, I frankly think choosing to grow mustache to indicate your support is rather asinine. I found about this by accident on November 22nd which is practically the end of the month. Hardly enough time to grow a mustache if I wanted to. So, anyone not knowing about this is only going to see what they normally see on a day to day basis, a variety of men in different stages of stacheyness. In effect, the gesture is saying absolutely nothing, because even if you DID know, you really wouldn't know if that guy on the bus was supporting the cause, or his girlfriend liked the way it tickles when he goes down on her. Maybe if you add that you have to dye the mustache yellow or purple to match those LIVESTRONG bracelets, then you'd have something. THAT would actually take some commitment and would send a message, and you'd only be confused at punk-rock concerts. (Ok maybe not a purple mustache, although it is strangely appropriate. Geez, the shit you find on the internet by accident)

Tell me that doesn't just jump out at you!

(yeah, not sure what is with the Seuss connections)

In the end (that was not a pun related to the last link...ok maybe it was), I think if you are going to do this sort of thing, you shouldn't pussy out by making a gesture people are statistically going to do anyway, make people own it by doing something outrageous. What better way to spread awareness by having people ask you, "Why the hell is your mustache turquoise?" prompting you to tell them about men's cancer. Perhaps not the best bar pickup line, but you could do worse.

So I challenge you Movember Foundation to take more radical steps in your mo-growing mandate. Let's see some REAL commitment...and send out free paste-on mustaches to those testosterone-weaker dudes who can't grow one themselves, like President Wishnack. Of course, he could just cut some of that mane of his off and paste it under his nose.

Of course my real fear is that women will grow mustaches in support and I really can't get behind that.

Seriously women, don't do it.

Seriously.