Pubic Apps

my brother sent me a link to the following article and i wasn't sure it was real. an app that will test you for sexually transmitted diseases. but it is real. if these guys have funding, i guess that means i was working on the wrong app.

Mobile phones and computers will soon be able to diagnose sexually transmitted diseases under innovative plans to cut the UK's rising rate of herpes, chlamydia and gonorrhoea among young people.

[...] People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.

Sexual health experts hope it will help reduce the growing number of STIs, which have increased for the last decade and reached a record 482,696 last year. Two-thirds of women reporting a new STI were under 25, as were more than half of men.

[read more]

and why not pee onto a microchip that goes in your phone? this sounds like a master plan that will prevent not only the rise of stds, but also the continued theft of cell phones on buses. any number of phones may had diseased pee pee inside and the gamble is just not worth it anymore.

what an amazing app-- seriously. it can be like foursquare! you just check into your parts and earn things like the Clap Badge, and become the mayor of Pubic Crabs.

i wonder if the app can be programmed to provide you with a villain's list of the most likely spreaders in your contact list. like You have obtained Herpes. According to our database, there is a high probability that you were infected by Tabitha.

what really made me laugh was the picture the guardian provided with the article. a sort of mediocre young adult, holding a pill-covered greeting card, and looking like she's only fake-listening to the doctor.

but nothing about the scene screams "THIS IS ABOUT SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE!" in fact, if the image says anything, it seems much more related to depression. hence the pill greeting card and bored look of the patient.

this patient must just be an actor signed to do stock photos. she was probably only told this was "a patient at the doctor's office" and had no idea her face would be linked with an app that allows you to pee on your phone to check if you have stds.

and it gets better.

after reading the article originally, i decided this was something i should share with you and that there was a good chance my brother sent it to me for that very reason. i went back to the article and realized tabitha, the std-ridden patient, was gone. i'm naming her tabitha, by the way.

the picture was no longer even at the doctor's office. the second time around, it was a somewhat lonely picture of a standard chuck-wearing twenty-something dude, checking his cell phone.

it's just dave, checking his phone. maybe text-messaging, or playing snake. and again, nothing about the shot seems to imply that he has just urinated on a small usb-capable microchip that is now feeding his nokia with the results of his sexual sentencing. the guy looks like he's mad because his pizza was supposed to come twenty minutes ago and he's debating whether or not he should call them back and ask what's up.

these poor stock photography actors.

i needed extra money.