I was Thinking

i was asked why i'm not interested in dating-- oddly enough-- and was caught a bit off-guard. i've always said that the only single people in san francisco are either insane or broken from a previous nutty relationship-- and i'm not sure which i am.

but more than that, if you read what i write here, you should know i am not boyfriend material.

look, in my mind, i need a girl who is adventure-seeking, fearless of judgments, and somewhat scatter-brained in the same way that most of zooey deschanel's characters are.

but when i meet her, i need to refrain from dating her.

those types of girls exist all around us and i've dated more than one of them. they're a great adventure and there's nothing wrong with them. it's just important to know enough about yourself to determine whether or not that sort of girl is the right kind to call a girlfriend.

for some, those girls are the perfect balance and the perfect girlfriend.

but given my personality, i have a shockingly wonderful time with them for about six months and then it all goes to hell. and so i'm slowly learning to stay away from becoming "intimate" with them.

but i need one of those girls. i need one as a friend. a chaos partner.

in terms of dating, intimacy, and all of that serious stuff, i need a philosopher with a nerdy mind. someone who runs on a schedule and is never late. i need someone who appreciates arts in all forms, but would rather research human behavior through science than art.

i've dated her, too. but i left her because i got bored.

everyone has that, "opposites attract" thing they like to throw at me every time i talk about wanting someone with more smarts than impulses. but it's never as simple as that. when i date my opposite, things just sort of die off and we go our separate ways. i'll admit it's a prettier end than when i date my counter-part. but nonetheless, it doesn't work.

which is why i also need the zooey deschanel friend. i need a female friend to go on adventures with, but i need a [separate] girlfriend to be serious with.

and let me amend all of that by saying the philosopher would need to be impervious to things like jealousy and paranoia so as not to cause problems with my adventure-seeking friend. and that friend-- the zooey deschanel-- would need to never try to convince me to date her instead.

that amendment is the two-fold impossible part.

one might say, "surely you need a girl who is both ms. deschanel as well as a philosopher-- that would be more suiting than the two separated." but that person knows little of those with dual personalities. seldom do the adventurous or philosophical moods match and disagreements ensue over whether or not one or the other is taking a current situation "seriously" or "having fun" in other situations.

around then is when compromising and communication are key. but it's fairly difficult to say, "sure let's go on an adventure even though i'm exhausted and would rather be lame right now." and, on the other end, it's hard to communicate with anyone when i'm in my adventure mode.

you have to remember, i'm a 25 year-old with the mind of an eleven year-old and the body of a sixteen year-old. there's a good chance you have no idea what dating me would be like.

let's be serious: i'm in no shape to be a boyfriend and even when i am in shape to be one, i'm not very good at it. i eat rotten food and brush my teeth by smoking a menthol cigarette-- no one should want to date me. ex-girlfriends can vouch, and some gladly will.

and there are a few girls who say, "oh, i can change that about him: i'm special. i can make him ready to date-- and ready to date me." well, it's not true. so please don't try it. i'm not your project.

i'm also not as classy as one might think and i'd like to save everyone-- especially me-- time.

i'm pretty content with drawing dragons for now.