As Written on Receipt Paper

a friend of mine was kind enough to present me with two pieces of candy and one handwritten note found somewhere in the greater bay area. this is quite possibly the best combination of gifts you can give me short of whiskey and a dvd.

anyway, the note is horribly depressing and i thought i would share a transcribed version with you guys.

Jesse -

My miserable self doesn't want to add misery to yours.

My miserable self is sad at how I affect you.

My miserable self is sorry but that is not enough.

I cry because of so many things I can't change.

I want to try but also I want to just die.

The will to carry on is harder to sustain than before.

Everything in sight is getting worse, and there's no end to it.

I am afraid --

I am uncertain --

I am unfamiliar with victory.

I have lost so much and am afraid of loosing you.

I'm scared that you think I am too far gone to SAVE.

My God, maybe I am.

Maybe it is too late for me.

But for you, I pray always.

If my ship goes down please promise me you'll sail on and arrive on solid ground.

You're there already my friend.

does it make me a jerk to admit i literally stopped reading to take a calming breath when i got to the part where "losing" is spelled wrong? you can't loose someone. maybe you can-- i don't know.

the poor author, but the poor reader. poor jesse. i wonder if jesse ever received the note-- was it given to him and discarded quickly after? or was it written and never delivered? that's a heavy note to give someone-- a bit unfair, if you ask me. i would never put that kind of depressing responsibility on someone else.

i think if i were able to find the author of this upset letter, i would give them the two pieces of candy i received with it. maybe that would cheer them up.

also maybe it would convince them to cling to me and my non-sinking ship.

or maybe they would turn out to be sucrose intolerant and absolutely lose their minds at such an accidental insult.

maybe i should write my own depressing letters and leave them about town for other bloggers to critique.

or maybe i should just get back to drawing these damn dragons.