I Didn't Even Want to be Mad

for those of you who have heard me go into somewhat of a thirty minute diatribe about the horrible treatment cigarette-smokers receive in the city, this is exactly what i'm talking about.

according to my property manager, the tenant living by the main entrance on the first floor is a bartender and has been complaining that he works odd hours that require good sleep but we're outside very late, smoking and generally being loud. i'm not going to say we're whispering, but we are certainly not throwing parties or doing anything i would define as disrespectful. but apparently, standing outside of your own apartment is "loitering" and is strictly forbidden after 10pm.

look, i don't want to have to put on a jacket and gloves every time i want to have a cigarette-- i would love to smoke inside by a window, listening to some fleetwood mac-- however, the law states i must go outside. i'm doing what i'm told. now, what i'm being told is i have to find somewhere other than in front of my apartment to smoke because not everyone in the apartment has the same sleep-schedule.

fine.

i can't smoke within thirty feet of any door, in public places like parks, farmer's market, bus stops, cabs, or inside. that's okay, i'm pretty adjusted to the idea of smoking in a fucking alley like a homeless man.

but do you know how many people have been locked out of the apartment and were saved by the fact i was out smoking? or how about how many people we've helped move in during the wee hours because were outside smoking a cigarette?

none of it counts because smokers are an easy target when someone is upset.

and the ashtray, too? i'll use the ashtray the day san francisco drops its twenty cent "littering libation fee" that only taxes smokers. we pay for over $7 million dollars worth of street cleaning because mayor gavin newsom has in his head that the only people who ever litter are smokers and, therefore, should pay the entire bill.

cool. great. whatever. i'll pay the extra twenty cents.

but just know that means i have paid for the right to fucking litter wherever and whenever i want. besides, i thought it was illegal to fine someone for a crime before they commit it. but who really cares what smokers think-- we're all just trying to ruin your day because we want to kill ourselves slowly.

come visit me in my dark little trash-filled corner where i go to smoke cigarettes and cough at me because you need to show me how disgusted you are with my life choices as they do not align with yours. cough and glare. it makes me want to smoke more. it makes me hard-set on not joining your side.

oh this was an entirely immature post and i don't care. i'm mad. not only do i pay rent at this apartment, but i pay more than the man on the first floor. why? because the first floor sucks and everyone knows that. if you accept the first floor, you know that you will always have someone waking you up coming home or standing outside-- it's like having a living room as a bedroom, that's just how it is. so you can't take out your disappointment on me: you chose this.

it would've been nice if mr. first floor had the courtesy of telling us we were bothering him so we had the option of dealing with it like adults rather than tattlers, but okay.

i'm going to find whichever bar this man tends and be a regular starting now. i've got way too many costumes for this man to kick every one of me out.

PRESIDENT WISHNACK ANGRY@!$