Making Dreams Happen

generally a call to our offices on a sunday any time after 9pm means there is a natural disaster. floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, whatever the new thing is. short of that, we don't get much more than drunkards who think 1am e.s.t. is a great time to debate about their airline seating assignments.

however, this past sunday, i received a call a little opposite of the usual. and it was the first request that left me so dumbfounded i needed to send a mass email to our entire floor.

Hey everyone,

I just got off the phone with a client who is interested in purchasing a rose that lasts a year. A real rose that lasts 365 days before it dies. Supposedly, he bought his mother one of these last year (which, theoretically, means it’s actually still alive as we speak) and he cannot remember where he found it.

He wants us to find him another and call him by 8am tomorrow with any news.

I’m researching, but would love to hear if any of you know of such a thing. As it stands, the best I’ve got is suggesting a potted rose with “a proper watering schedule and plenty of sunlight.”

one of my colleagues recommended "good plastic and a lot of perfume" and nearly everyone else just ignored the email altogether.

i wish i could've ignored the call.

i also wish i could've explained to him that real roses don't last that long and if they did, the conflict in beauty and the beast would've been terribly less interesting.

sundays are meant for relaxing and babbling on this blog. they are certainly not to be spent chasing down magical flora for rich fools who don't plan anything in advance.

most of us spent the next half an hour making fun of the client while lightly complaining about the fact our company is too cheap to turn the air conditioning on during weekends.

which ultimately made us all look like total jerks when the air conditioning miraculously turned on and google alerted me of this:

it actually exists.

the way it works is, as one concierge said, "rose botox." a team of mediocre scientists inject glycerin and red food dye into the petals so even after the flower dies, it looks the same as when it was alive.

it's sort of like cryogenically freezing your grandpa and calling him "alive." he is, technically. he just won't be telling you any interesting stories. and the rose won't smell like a rose.

but hey, if anyone is looking for a real-ish rose that lasts one year, you can purchase one right here.

thank you for allowing me to assist you.