I Want to Thank and I Want to Smack

i want to thank people who let 60's and 70's music float out of their car windows on hot days of traffic.

i want to smack people who play lady gaga. ever.

i want to thank strangers that high-five strangers without worrying about the rules behind doing something so awesome.

i want to smack certain strangers just to see what they'll do because it wouldn't be too hard to say i was really just trying to high-five them anyway.

i want to thank friends who don't mind engaging in a twenty minute conversation about whether cookies or cupcakes are more trustworthy.

i want to smack my lips loudly so the whole world knows i'm enjoying a delicious cupcake.

i want to thank people who refill ice-trays when they visit.

i want to smack people who hide their trash under my bed and think i won't notice. because, you know, i really won't notice and that's how we get ants.

i want to thank those of you who send me poop-related products and trivia.

i want to smack the creators of coffee & cigarettes for failing to mention the severe truth behind that combination.

i want to thank chinese ladies that root for my alcoholism because it is silently financing their recycling habits.

i want to smack chinese ladies that get in fights with the garbage man and break down crying in the middle of the street at 4:30am just under my window with absolutely no concern that i-- The Giver of Cans-- may be trying to rest or generally trying not to hear the sounds of cantonese tears.

i want to thank billie mays for always giving me more than i expected.

i want to smack people who always use the caps lock key.

i want to thank andré champagne for letting me be classy at a rate of just four dollars.

i want to smack the creator of CRV because andré could've really been three dollars if it weren't for that stupid tax.

i want to thank those of you who comment on this blog.

i want to smack those of you who comment on this blog-- on my facebook wall.

i want to thank the scientists who genetically altered a spider so it would be blue and red just like spiderman's costume.

i want to smack the scientists who are perfectly aware that mosquitoes cannot contract or spread blood diseases but have no interest in using this knowledge toward curing blood diseases like aids.

i want to thank those of you who read this blog from work even when the articles are written in a manner similar to a textual diarrhea of typographic errors and haphazard thoughts.

i want to smack those of you who own a blog but never update because sometimes i want to read something at work, too. tear.

i want to thank everyone who has read this entire post without questioning what right i have to thank or smack anyone.

i want to smack myself for typing this rather than doing laundry one last time before moving.