i did, however, receive my very first call from a co-worker needing assistance. that was oddly pleasant. and it makes me wonder if i could ever call my co-workers if i ended up on a game show like cash cab.
the call from a co-worker
"i just got off 580 in tracy and i need some driving directions..."
"alright, no problem. where are you trying to go?"
"god, i love that i work for a concierge company," she laughed, "i'm looking for the bay bridge."
"wait. the... bay bridge?"
"yeah," she said, "this guy told me to follow i-580 and i'd hit the bridge."
"well, that's true-- but you've gone about 68 miles in the wrong direction."
mother's day flowers"and what would you like the card to read?"
"i don't know," she said, "...happy mother's day?"
"i only ask because everyone words it differently."
"well, actually. don't laugh," she started, "but... you can sign it... From Your... Binker Boo."
i held in the laugh as much as i could, but she could hear it through my voice. i wouldn't have had so much trouble if she didn't give me the no-laugh disclaimer. though it was funny because the conversation before "binker boo" felt like two friends chatting and i could feel how horribly embarrassed she was about admitting her nickname after that.
"okay. and is... binker boo... one word... or two?"
i knew it was two words. i just wanted to hear her blush over the phone.
"it's two," she said humiliated, "stop laughing at me!"
"i'm not laughing," i said between laughs, "i'm just... smiling... because i admire your close relationship with your mother."
you know, pillows?
"i need you to find me a store in downtown los angeles that sells pillows."
"that's not a problem at all," i said without thinking, "but can i first have you verify your billing address?"
as she read her address to me, i realized she actually lived in downtown los angeles. i was half-hoping she was visiting from out of the state or from another planet so i could feel less depressed about the fact a woman with $10 million could not find a store that sells pillows. in her hometown.
"and i'm sorry, did you say you were looking for pillows?"
"yeah, you know, like ones for beds and couches?"
oppose to the pillows that were made for tables and shelves? yes i know what pillows are. i was repeating your request because it was hit me with such a heavy level of stupid i thought i may have misheard the entire thing.
"and do you have any particular style you're looking for?"
"well," she said, "i guess they should be soft."
"alright, well bear with me for a moment and i will see if i can locate a store that sells soft pillows for you, ma'am."
that call actually won me the "ridiculous caller of the night" award. it beat out my co-worker's "what was that movie that had that guy driving in that vw touareg 2?"
it's the bourne ultimatum, for the record.
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