Some of My Pet Peeves

A great way to bond is to learn each other's likes and dislikes. I think George Carlin said it best when he said "I don't have pet peeves -- I have major psychotic f**king hatreds." In that spirit of hatred I will now share some of the things that piss me off.

Let me preface this vitriol by stating the obvious: the following opinions are my own. You're all entitled to disagree. In fact, I am quite sure that I would end up on more than a few people's lists ;)

Okay, let's begin.

1. Men Who Wear Their Hats Backwards

The establishment wants me to
wear my hat properly, but that's just
not how I roll!

I've never understood this. Baseball caps look goofy enough as it is. Why bother tilting it to the side or turning it around? Trust me it doesn't need the help, it looks plenty ridiculous already!

Look, we've all done stupid things, but know this: if you are over the age of 18 and still wear your cap backwards it is very unlikely that we'll ever be friends.

Additionally, my hatred of backwards caps grows exponentially with the age of the wearer--those who continue to wear their hats incorrectly well into their 30's and 40's need to either take them off or spin them back around the right way.

2. Bikers Congregating at Coffee/Donut Shops

You're not fooling anyone decked out in your XXL leather jacket, blue bandana and mid-life motorcycle. Nobody thinks you are cool. You are not James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. Face the facts: you're forty-five, your gut is dangerously threatening to absorb the handlebars and we're not intimidated or impressed in the slightest. To alleviate those mid-life feelings that your life has no purpose, sell your bike and volunteer your time or money to the charity of your choice. In the meantime, I don't want to hear you revving your bike while I'm trying to enjoy my morning coffee and a good book.

Also, why would you gather outside of a coffee shop? Are all of the bar parking lots full? Who decided that Tim Hortons would be a good place to loiter by?

3. Any Athlete Making Over $100k a Year

I don't care how anyone justifies it--professional athletes do not deserve what they earn. No matter how many hours you spend perfecting your slapshot, no matter how many steroids you inject, you don't deserve to rake in large sums of cash.

It has always pissed me off that our culture values athletes to the extent of making them feel as though they're worth millions of dollars. Guess what? They're not.

You want to know who does deserve to make over $100k a year?

- Teachers
- Doctors
- Registered nurses
- City workers
- Social workers
- Homeless shelter workers
- Trade workers
- Engineers
- Librarians
- Substance abuse councellors
- Domestic abuse councellors
- The list goes on and on...

Besides, you're not all that entertaining. You've got nothing on the Roman gladiators who fought to the death. Compared to them you're yawn worthy. Sorry, but I need more than a rubber puck being hit with a stick into a net or cars going around in circles to entertain me.

4. Election Fever

Canadians are going to the polls for the fourth time in seven years this May and Americans seemingly begin their election campaigns the moment the previous election ends.

Here's the truth - I don't care what your political values are. If I wanted to hear the rhetoric of the right or the left then I'd take it upon myself to tune into their shitty "news" programs, or extensively read through their fabricated promises which they post online and have no intention of honouring.

Also, I may just stab the next person who complains that a certain politician is a crook or a hypocrite. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but all politicians are crooks and hypocrites. The ones who aren't generally don't make it very far (or find themselves assassinated early on). I sincerely believe that you should seriously question the motives of anyone who willingly wants to be in a position of authority over the masses. It takes a dangerous amount of ego, vanity and desire for power for anyone to believe that they should lead others. In most cases this is a person that I'd readily avoid or actively fight against.

5. That I Haven't Seen Breaking Dawn Yet

All baby births remind
me of this scene, without exception

We've all had to suffer through many years of god awful movies and some of the worst acting known to cinema. But I say that it has all been worth it because there is one scene in particular that everyone wants to see, be they friend or foe of Stephenie Meyer.

You know which scene I speak of.

We're all excited to see the childbirth scene where Edward gets all fangy and preforms the first vampire cesarean with his own teeth.

I WANT TO SEE THIS. I KNOW THEY FILMED IT. I WANT TO SEE IT NOW.

I have no doubt that the scene will haunt my dreams, perhaps even more than the first time I watched the chestburster scene in Alien.

Okay readers, that's enough of my hatred for now. Indulge me though--what's pissing you off lately?