Dear SF Zoo

i'm just like everyone else: i'll visit the zoo and have an absolute blast while hypocritically mumbling This and That about how very UNETHICAL it is to keep wild animals captive. i'll preach about the sun on polar bears and the cages around birds. and i will secretly hope to see a lion maul the shit out of a small child.

everyone is that way at the zoo.

but with all that said, i'm legitimately bothered by your rhino.

i'm pretty sure my first reaction to this rhino was, "what the fuck", and i'm pretty sure a young girl heard that reaction. but i'm also pretty sure she was having the same reaction inside her head. with different words.

where is his god damn horn?

if i were to make an entirely unscientific [research-free] guess, i would say you sawed if off because the rhino is the size of a mid-sized vehicle and you've already had one or two animals attack your trainers and teenage guests.

but, according to the handy-dandy rhino-placard, this is not the case!


i want to just make sure i got this right:

• it's normal behavior for a rhino to rub his horn flat in the wild.
• you guys keep trimming it to... help it grow.

i know those are just bullet-points, but have i missed something? or did you trick me into reading thirty seconds worth of bullshit? i may not be a master of rhinoceros knowledge, but i am certainly not a dewy-eyed fool.

it was my understanding that rhinos rub their horns on trees and boulders to keep them sharp. but i would love if one of your zoologists could explain to me why a rhino might want to rub his horn flat considering it is one of his only means of offensive attack-- besides the ability to spray liquid poop twenty feet with impeccable aim.

look, i had a great time-- i'm being honest. but be straight with me-- i can take it-- why is the rhino missing his horn?

thank you in advance,
president wishnack

p.s. the owl-feeding was fucking awesome.

but you might want to consider moving it out of the Children's Zoo section.