Put Me in the Transamerica

"it needs to be sent to 600 montgomery street," my boss said.

"that's the transamerica pyramid," i squeaked, "i'll take it."

the transamerica pyramid is on my list of tall places, and it's the only building on the list that just has "lobby" marked as the highest floor reached.

"they're not going to let you go up," my assistant manager said, "just to the mail room. the lady there takes everything up."

someone is always quick to tell me why i won't ever get to ride the elevators in the damn pyramid.

but kindly behold the following photo.

you may notice the transamerica pyramid is not in the shot.

BECAUSE I'M INSIDE IT.

yep, 35th floor. eat it.

see, if there's one thing i've learned about deliveries it's that they get very strange between 12pm and 1pm. it makes sense. those are the short-staffed, moody, and lazy hours of the day; it's when people like, let's say, mail room ladies, are out eating their lunches and hating their lives.

it's when security guards are all just the under-studies of the real stars, receptionists are distracted by french fries, and the rush of suits and heels on the street are enough to swallow you up and carry you right inside any building you choose.

"well, i'll take it anyway," i said, "how about... at 12:30?"

and it all went as planned: the mail room lady was off with her meal and herself, the security guards were frat-bros in suits and ear-pieces, and the elevators were wide open.


and it was the most confusing experience i've ever had inside a skyscraper. the elevators take you only to the 27th floor where you can get off and hunt down the second bank of elevators-- some three turns and a hallway away-- to ride further up the triangle.

there was even an exit door that told me, "never use this door. use door to your right." and the door to my right lead me outside, only to pass right by the first door.

i didn't even notice the sign till a guard told me to shut the door. but that made it even more ridiculous because

1. it was unlocked.
2. i could definitely see that it lead to the exact same place as the door to the right-- more efficiently, in fact.

more confusing than the winchester mystery house.

but i will be back. and i will make it to the 48th floor.

oh yes, she will be mine.