George Lopez

Christie has gained some alley ring since her days on 'Cheers, George Lopez was not about to let her forget it.
Lopez launched an attack on the fuller figure star 'DWTS' on 'night, Lopez,' said the first performance, "she said, it's a job for a nice, her little hooves tapping away."
In the alley when he announced on Twitter, "I lost 60 £ before DWTS ... have not weighed in within three weeks, but certainly I've lost more than 10 more than that," Lopez keeps harsh criticism about her weight coming.
"Before the show, I went to the market then it's roast beef," said Lopez, referring to a line from the classic nursery rhyme This Little Pig '. After that Lopez with a commercial featuring animated pig, saying: If a joke was not clear enough, it looked like the alley.
Although vaccines, has been represented in good spirits, and said to her Twitter followers, "You are saying all this sweet stuff and complementary me ... Thanks a lot for young people all night .. I am Cinderella.

Hud

Senior adults and disabled facility Hood go "green" thanks to $ 1.2 million in restitution, the U.S. re-investment law to recover money
March 25, 2011 (BUSINESS WIRE) - Late Cambrian Centre, a senior and disabled housing Hood Facility adults, and the ground today on the dollar of $ 1.2 million clean energy and efficiency building retrofit designed by San Jose-based engineers O'Brien Salas, the company has allocated funds from the recovery and re- U.S. investment law (Azerbaijan) for the year 2009, to improve the efficiency of energy use in federally funded facilities, which helps stimulate the economy by creating new job opportunities and the provision of existing mechanisms, while investment in economic growth over the long term. This initiative is part of a program to help federal buildings more energy efficient, thus reducing operating costs and saves money for taxpayers.
The pilot will shed light on the status of the Cambrian in clean energy, sustainability and improve the efficiency of energy use and the beginning of Mark 'population to adopt more environmentally sustainable practices. Green retrofit this building will contain four ClearEdge fuel cell power 5kw, and re-design of "cool roof," and energy efficient windows and sliding glass doors, refrigerators and energy-saving in twenty-four of the units. Salas O'Brien Home Department, John Salas, "The Cambrian Centre retrofit represents the last chance for us to significantly improve an existing building infrastructure with age and make them both" green "and more comfortable for residents.
In addition to improving the efficiency of building and equipment energy efficiency, the project will create approximately forty (40) clean technology, construction and related services and jobs for about six months. "Cambrian Centre retrofit will create construction jobs and the green at the same time reducing the use of long-term energy and greenhouse gas emissions," noted Deputy Vgreen Zoe (D-San Jose). "Being made to invest in reducing energy consumption, such as those at the center, is not only good for our environment, they will be also a good line second from bottom on the road. These investments to make our country stronger, cleaner and more energy independent, and I'm happy to have helped the center Cambrian be part of this.
The other key element of the retrofit is the first of its kind program that will help seniors and residents at the center of learning how to live life more environmentally sustainable. The Centre will provide all residents a practical guide with tips to reduce energy consumption, reduce emissions of carbon one, and smart ways to recycle at home. Will be appointed Resident Representative of sustainability by the Center to help coordinate the "green" learning "activities that will teach adults how to make wise decisions energy. The executive director of the Center for the Cambrian Ron Anderson, "not only will make our building more energy efficient and reduce energy use, but our population will be given the tools to participate actively in the" green economy.

11:30 AM

the phone rang and i was only halfway through my introductory "hello" before it began shouting at me. this is what it had to say:

"it's like ordering fucking chinese food with you guys: you gotta check it to make sure you got what you ordered."

i knew who was calling: i could recognize his douchey voice. there is only one client i do not like and that's who was calling. none of us like him. he's rude, arrogant, and always has rush orders with nineteen adjustments. also, i've never really had a bad experience with chinese food-- but i'm not as much of a dick as he is, so maybe that's why.

i promised to take a look at what could be done and blah, blah, blah, i'd call him back.

we looked at his file and determined that he is an idiot.

but at noon, i went to call him back, and the phone refused. at first, i thought it was because it didn't want to deal with him either-- but after trying to phone other stores and my own cell, i realized the line was simply dead.

"call telepacific," my boss said, "see what's going on."

"you know, their lines are probably dead too," i said slowly, "i mean if ours are. unless their phones are on... a different provider."

"what am i paying you for?" he shouted, "call telepacific."

i called them. and i was right: their phones were dead, too.

"call them again," my boss insisted.

i didn't argue that one. i called them again and their phones were still dead. this continued for about thirty minutes before my boss gave up and asked me to run over to barbacco to pick him up a shrimp sandwich.

sam cooke laughed at me, singing bring it to me, bring all your sweet lovin', bring it all home to me. and i wondered slightly if my assistant manager was going through his playlist, purposely playing certain songs just to fuck with my head. it was a strange enough day and he is a strange enough man-- i wouldn't put it past him.

i hate going to barbacco, but the office vibe was getting dangerous.

9:30 AM

"bullshit," my boss said, "you're supposed to double-space after a period."

"no," my assistant manager responded, "they changed it. now you only need one space after a period. it's been like that since the nineties at least."

everyone was late to work and no one tried to make up for it with good moods. they just arrived, clocked in, and got right into arguments about proper MLA format and the de-evolution of the grammatical human.

"you're supposed to put two spaces after a period," i said, "i think people stopped doing it because it shows up as incorrect when you send an email. but it's definitely the way you're supposed to do things."

"no! they changed it. i know it was that way, but they changed it."

and before our spacing argument could get too out of hand, a delivery man arrived to pick up one of our business card orders. he had a pbr pin on his jacket and an excessive beard on his face. i suppose riding packages on a fixie is any hipster's dream. but he was soaked and even his beard seemed slightly miserable.

not actually what the delivery man looked like, but i wouldn't put the possibility past him.

"someone dropped this," he said as he handed us a flash drive he'd found on our floor.

my assistant manager snatched it without looking at the man.

"not only did they change the period-rule," he continued, "but now they're saying sea lions may not be mammals-- they're saying they may be insects."

"have a good one," the delivery man mumbled on his way out.

"bullshit," i laughed, "insects? because of what? their tri-segmented bodies, exoskeletons, and six legs?"

"no," he said calmly, "because they have partitioned phalanges."

sam cooke sang in the background, don't know much about history... don't know much biology... don't know much about a science book... and i couldn't believe how poetic the scene was. what's the point of knowing much about any of that anyway? they'll just change it in the end-- all i know is i love you.

"shit, you know what?" i said.

"they have a very similar bone structure to insects is all i'm saying."

"no," i said, "the delivery guy left his bike lock."

One Off-Kilter Thursday

the sun really only showed its fiery face in time to become a sunset thursday evening. the morning was worse than grey-- it locked the city in an almost claustrophobic color. and the day was a downpour of awful.

something was in the air. it was a strange day. it seemed like thursday's rain and sunless getup was the final straw for everyone-- one too many days of dreary nonsense in a row. it felt like everyone was going looney; it felt like city-cabin fever.

we'd all been cockteased by the sunny weeks prior; we'd thought the winter weather was done for. but there has yet to be a truly sunny day since daylight savings and the spring equinox has meant absolutely nothing.


looking back at the day, i'm not sure i ever woke up. i remember having a dream that i'd snoozed my alarm two times that morning-- and then jumping out of bed to find that i really had snoozed that cursed machine and was going to barely make it to work on time.

the hours that followed were all slightly off. and i think the whole city may have moved toward gently insane that day. at times, i didn't know what to do but text myself quotes and events that were happening around me just to document them. so, the best i can do is recap the day in something similar to real-time.

return to this blog later today, and you'll see updates throughout-- posted as a count of what happened yesterday, as it happened.

this is the first time i will say it: thank god it's friday.

This One's for Me, not You

one of the problems here is that i spend a majority of my time publishing what i write. it leaves little room to sort out my own problems without depressing everyone reading. but, here and there, i'll write to myself and leave it unpublished.

in october, before my illustration job with snap dragon ended, i tried to catch up with myself.

it's long, anti-climactic, and not a required read. but i'm quasi-proud to eat nearly three [actual] meals a day, and if you see me awake at 7am, i'm carrying a coffee and starting my day-- rather than a glass of warm whiskey and about to pass out.

* * *

10.20.10

i was outside sometime after 4am, smoking a cigarette. i know i wanted the cigarette less than i wanted to be outside because i moved an ashtray closer to myself before turning on dead man and didn't smoke once during the two-hour movie. but, by the time the film was over, i still found myself tip-toeing past my roommate's door-- knowing he had to wake up in two hours-- and out the front to be outside.

the cigarette would've been my explanation if i woke him up.


being outside in the middle of the night, or even the early morning when people like my roommate go to work, can be a little like a mild introspective hallucinogen. though, that's arguably just the lack of sleep.

i was thinking about where my life is at twenty-five years. i drink every day. that's not an exaggeration-- it's just true.

it's justified by a few facts. for one, i've never lost a job or a girlfriend on account of my alcoholism. most people who meet me wouldn't have the slightest clue how much alcohol is in my life unless they'd seen me drink it. in society, i'm perfectly functional and, at times, an upstanding individual.

it's a little like giving a dog a treat when he does tricks like sitting, or shaking. if i do my tricks at whatever job i have, i should be given a wishnack treat: a beer, or nine.

but i drink a lot. i'm at the point where i've actually begun to worry. if i were to get sick, and need to stop drinking for a day or two, i would likely die.

so i've started smoking weed to trick my body into sleeping without so much alcohol. it's definitely helping-- pot's got a way of knocking me out, or convincing me another glass of whiskey is not such a good idea.

unfortunately, as of now, i'm an alcoholic who also smokes weed. it's like the little old lady who swallowed a fly, but arguably worse.

it's no fun when people ask "why do you drink so much?" because i don't know. i drink so much because i've been drinking so much for so long that my body bases most of its system off it. i suppose i had a reason for drinking a lot at a time, but whatever it was i don't remember and i'm sure it no longer applies.

i work at home-- as an illustrator-- which is what some would call "livin' the dream." and it is, in a sense. i'm a paid artist with my own schedule and no particular responsibilities beyond deadlines and bills.

but, not many dreams are what you'd think.

a schedule-less life with an at-home job has a way of turning people like me into mindless alcoholics who simply never do laundry. i'll find excuses for not leaving the house-- blame it on the damn hills-- and i'm feeling a bit pathetic. if i don't have something forcing me to wake up at a reasonable hour, or coercing me into looking presentable, my brain immediately declares those sorts of things worthless.

it's a major flaw, but i'm glad some part of me can see it.


i became single at the end of february and it was a rough change. no matter what sort of relationship you're in, ending it after a year is not simple. on the smallest level, all of your stories and adventures that have taken place in the last year will include your ex. so you can't even begin healing till you've made new experiences. music, landmarks, and co-workers will kindly pry into your damaged soul as well. at least for a while.

i left my job for good reasons. and sort of walked into this illustration job due to a series of coincidences. that event reassured me that i was doing the right thing with my life. it was like the illustration job was waiting for me to give up and just find it already.

and i was overwhelmed and excited by the idea of being free of a work-schedule and a girlfriend for the first time in years. no one could tell me what to do and i could grab my life and straighten back out to be how it was meant to be.

but i was on the porch smoking and realized how much work i have to do. remember when i quit smoking cigarettes in the first place? what the hell happened to that? and the alcohol act needs changing, too. i want to run, exercise, and make use of my schedule-less life. i want to walk across the entire city, talking with strangers and taking their portrait while recording their voices on a tiny mic.

there are two things i've heard recently and they both have to do with boats:

1. when you're young, you're a ship with no cargo: no one is telling you to do anything you don't want to do. you don't have kids, or a house, or things like that. you can sail anywhere you like, with no worry of what time you'll get there.

2. a ship in harbor will never be damaged, but that's not why ships were built.

i am, for the most part, cargo-free-- i don't have a rigid job, i don't have a girlfriend, and i'm pretty sure i don't have kids. i should be sailing about, but i'm not really. this past year has taken a lot of my sailing mojo away and it's been a struggle to grow it back. the last year changed my style of living to a point i never knew possible. but that's not a worthy excuse for sleeping till 3pm, drinking till 6am, and generally being inactive and adventure-less. that's not why ships were built.

flapjack would be furious.

i don't think i'm as bad as this post may have sounded-- i'm definitely happy and mostly healthy-- but in a perfect world i would not be an alcoholic, i wouldn't smoke cigarettes, and i would still be a really fast runner.

so i'm working on a sort of cleansing period. ironically, it may be the most chaotic thing i ever try.

* * *

i still smoke, and i think my leg may be permanently injured from falling out of that stupid cave-- so running simply isn't happening. but short of that i feel like i've made a lot of progress since writing that unpublished post.

though if patterns serve, what i'm pretty sure is my man-struation cycle will be starting in a month or two and that should be... interesting.

OMG OxOXOXOxOXO KBYE!!!!1

5 Inventions that Make me Wish We'd Go Extinct Already

there's google street-view in antartica, justin bieber playing pranks on will smith's daughter, and people living to be so fucking old they go insane before half their pharmaceutically enhanced life is over.

and yet, somehow, while we're busy keeping lazy and ridiculous some fools still have time to invent ways to get lazier and grow more ridiculous. even if these items are meant as novelty gifts, it's absolutely pathetic that they exist.

1. THE ELECTRO SMILE


even if mediocre electro-therapy sessions come in friendly blue with a fish-shaped voltage monitor, most people aren't interested in making their kids look like something out of a clockwork orange. there is an undeniable problem when asian girls need to have smiles electrically smeared across their tiny faces. if your kid doesn't want to smile, maybe it's because you suck. and if you're the type of parent who sees the electro smile as a solution, you really do suck.

i dare say the only difference between a grimace and a smile is the emotion behind it.

2. THE AB-HANCER


i have no idea if this one is real or not-- but even if this is a joke i'm still worried for humankind.

3. NAKED-NECKED CHICKENS ("CHURKEYS")


look, i will wrestle an old lady to the the ground if you tell me she has the last steak in the world. that's a fact. but i don't have to be vegan to wish "scientists" would stop mutating animals for their own entertainment. and i'm going to go right out and say it: they've managed to make this poor chicken look like it's got a very sunburned penis for a neck-- and that's just a sad fact for humans, chickens, turkeys, and all animals alike.

4. INSTANT UNDERPANTS

firstly, if you need new underpants, you probably don't need to "just add water." but moreover, if you've just pissed [or shit] your pants, pulling out a puck-sized dehydrated emergency pair of undies is likely the only thing you could do to make matters more embarrassing.

5. HEEL FINS


if this was created to make dumb bitches even likelier to slip on the edge of a swimming pool, crack open their skull, and die, this may be the best invention ever. but, with the way we're headed, some spray-tanned guido is probably going to roll up with his ab-hanced beer gut and take the heel-finned blonde home to have unprotected sex and 47 idiotic babies instead.

also, they're endorsed by jessica simpson. so you have to want them.

the whole world is in trouble.

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come up with a failsafe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us
I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it's already too late
no children - the mountain goats