Don't Ask Me Why I Dream About My Resume

this morning, i had a nightmare. there was no blood or death or anything like that. it's just that twitter had infiltrated the business world and all of our resumes were reduced to 140 characters.

and it was so, so much scarier than any nightmare i have ever had.

the cover letter was done away with altogether.

my resume had been sliced up and spat out in an uncomfortably blunt and less impressive manner-- like flour and whipped cream tossed in a pie tin and called lemon meringue. the twitterification process destroyed all of the profesional progress i had made in the last ten years; it tore out my "stellar interpersonal skills" and "computer savvy" capabilities.

there was no room for my camera sales experience or brand ambassador jobs. tour guiding and vacation-planning were all brought to their greatest common denominator and my one-paged resume fizzled down to one simple line and my cell phone number:

President Wishnack (12/22/84) looking 4 job that include talking 2 strangers. Exp in technology, vacations & dog food. 4152612630. @HiringAgent

and i woke up in a cold sweat.