An Unusual Gift (and Why)

the fortune had read, "You will soon receive an unusual gift." and i wondered if it was very valid considering i'd found it on the ground, outside of its cookie sheath, and not technically belonging to me.

but i kept it anyway.


this is one of the photos you'll see if you google image that fortune.
the next morning, i arrived to work and found three fortune cookies sitting on my desk.

"we stayed late last night and ordered chinese food," my boss said, "those are for you."

it was like the first fortune had called all his fortune cookie friends and told them to hit me up.

two of the fortunes spoke a series of bullshit about SUCCESS, and the third was mildly correct about my future vacation and "crossing great waters." but nothing was too magical.

those cookies weren't the unusual gift.

no, later, i was asked to do a print pick-up very near the academy of art. inside my head i dreaded passing the school because i didn't want to run into anyone i knew and have to explain why i no longer take classes at their real estatey university.

"no way," a voice shouted, "it's the president!"

it was jeff edwards; my original dorm-mate in the city; a football-playing missourian; brilliant illustrator, and the first person to ever draw on my face while a drunken me slept in shoes.

if i had to name fifty people i thought i might run into, jeff would not have been one of them.

i was immediately happy to be picking up prints-- they caused the run-in-- i hadn't seen jeff in years, and he was with his mom and girlfriend. it's fact that family + girlfriend always assures something important is GOING DOWN.

"i totalllllly have your family guy: season 1," he confessed immediately, "sorry, man."

"that's where it is!"

i felt a sudden peace inside my body. i'm still missing pineapple express, and constantine. but it's not about losing the dvds as much as it is wondering where they are. it was nice knowing the new home of family guy.

"do you still have my anatomy books?"

"shoot," i said, "no. i don't."

"AHH," he screamed, "I KNEW IT."

"hey, i kept them with me through two moves, but i had to get rid of them when i heard you moved back to missouri."

i'd only thrown them out during the move to my current apartment. so close.

"he probably sold them for money," jeff's mom added.

"you got me," i said, "i sold them because i needed money TO BUY FAMILY GUY: SEASON ONE."

whatchuwant!?

we CAUGHT UP, as they say. i was asked briefly about the whereabouts of my ruffle shirts only before being informed jeff's art [and jeff himself] would be exhibiting at wondercon. his girlfriend had bought three-day passes, but wound up receiving an exhibitor pass for dating jeff. so it was no time before she put the extra three-day pass in my hands and smiled a great smile.

sometimes i wonder if i attract coincidence and chaos. my good luck is as good as my bad luck is bad. and i absolutely love it all.


that was the unusual gift: revisiting a vanished friend, hearing tales of his success, and a pass to a weekend of wondercon.

i knew jeff would succeed the day i saw him drawing spider-man. i had always said tobey maguire knew nothing about being a spider-man fan-- or being spider-man-- because of how he held his hands. a true spider-fan walks with his middle and ring finger held together-- in case he needs to websling quickly. tobey maguire didn't hold his hands ready to fire. but jeff's spider-man did. because he knew.

he was a football player and weightlifter, so most people would assume he couldn't draw. but it was those experiences that aided his precise understanding of muscles, and helped him draw accurate superheroes. he could explain to me why wolverine should have large forearms, and shoulder muscles, but only moderate biceps.

it's no wonder he made it to wondercon.

i love me a good convention. they're like classes: you walk into a world of fanatics, all celebrating their superbowl. be it whiskyfest, macworld, dodgeball, or the exotic erotic ball-- you get to see the SERIOUS ONEs in their own environment, and i love it.

the only thing i love more is watching an ambitious artist succeed.

so i grabbed the three-day pass, my planner, and i penned in "wondercon and jeff".

Wrestlemania 27 Results

The old guard, who stole the WrestleMania 27. The contractor will return for Triple H to go to WrestleMania as classic. The Rock Wrestlemania moment of his own to close the display and Stone Cold Steve Austin threw a pair of wonderful thing that sold out crowd rocking!
The Rock as guest host to open the exhibition. No need to wait to see the Great one right? Left out of the rock his claim at the press conference and hit the ring full workout attire. Did not get the reaction he was crazy to get raw, but could have been the acoustics of the big arena.
Rock rallied the crowd with his promo. Chanted Rock "struggling" and the crowd chanted "Mania" (guess he was not in on the meeting which was held recently.) Rock cut a brief promo for John Cena, who the crowd booed big time. No mention of real distinction. The essence of promotional and despite the fact that being a rock fan and reduce the level of a very "Promo Rock", and tell the masses how great WrestleMania was going to be.

Punsup

Punjab State Civil Supply Corporation Limited (PUNSUP) invites applications for recruitment to various posts of 2011. The posts below:

1. / Deputy Area Manager: 11 posts vacant. Is the maximum age of a year.
2. Assistant Director / Deputy Area / Director (field): 12 posts vacant. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
3. Assistant Director (Accounts) / - Deputy Area Director (Accounts): 11 posts vacant. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
4. Senior Auditor: 9 vacancies. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
5. Field officer: 24 posts vacant. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
6. Inspector Grade 1-37 vacancies. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
7. Inspector grade - 2Senior Assistant (Accounts): 143 vacancies. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
8. Senior Assistant (Accounts): 61 posts vacant. Age limit is 18-37 years old.
9. Senior Assistant: 21 posts vacant. Age limit is 18-37 years old.

PUNSUP 2011 recruitment examination centers are Chandigarh and Mohali. The test will be 2 hours. There will be a negative discrimination Marc 1/4th each wrong answer.
The last date for receipt of applications is April 27, 2011. Applications should be submitted to the "Managing Director, Punjab and the Shanghai Cooperation Organization 0.36-40, Sector - 34 A, Chandigarh."

Aspiring Author Interview with Lea Zeqiri

Let's start off with something simple. Who are you?

Simple? Yeah right. For the living, I am supposed to be a real estate broker but as that doesn’t earn enough money to pay the dues in this market, guess I’m a failure. In reality I usurp money from my ex-husband’s pocket in order to write.

Could you tell us a little bit about your work in progress?

I have two current WIPs. The first, UNCLASSIFIED, is a YA dystopian in which the MC is stuck in a world of genetically altered humans. It’s your classic, ugly girl saves the world plot. The other, PHELAN’S RAMPAGE, is a sequel to the first novel I wrote, ALKONOST. Taking the lead as the MC, Phelan is a shifter with a vendetta against the evil goddess that killed the love of his life in the first segment. It’s set in Dubrovnik, my favorite place on earth.

What is the first story you remember writing? What was it about?

How the Skunk Got His Stripes in the 5th grade.

Are you more of a “plotter” or a “pantser”?

I am totally a “pantser”! I plotted my NaNoWriMo novel this past November, BLAZE, and wow, won’t do that again.

All writers need encouragement. Who first encouraged you to write, and who is it that encourages you today?

Does mandatory writing to pass a class count as encouragement? I’d like to say the ex-hubby who pays my bills is my encouragement, but lately he’s been encouraging me to return to work. And while he was the first to believe in me, it’s a fellow writer that keeps me churning out the pages every day. Gina White, she has a blog, http://tiredbutwriting.blogspot.com, and she is a snotty, I mean snarky,
rattlesnake bite of daily wisdom.

Which authors have had a significant influence on your writing?

OMG Where to start? I read GONE WITH THE WIND when I was nine and thought of myself as Scarlet for three pubescent years. Hey, I was a scrawny redhead forced to wear long dresses to school? I think that allows for a ‘don’t judge me pass’. So, Margaret Mitchell, Anne Rice, VC Andrews, and the awe inspiring Suzanne Collins.

What music, if any, do you enjoy listening to while you write?

I wear headphones to block out all sound while I write, if something seeps through, I read out loud what I am writing.

What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses as a writer?

I’ve been told my greatest strength is my ability to describe the scene, but I think it’s my dedication. I write every day, at least three hours. My greatest weakness is I hate to cut out scenes, and save them in separate pdf file to visit later.

What do you hope to achieve with your writing?

To be published, make the NYT Best Seller’s List and live happily ever after. Doesn’t everyone?

What was once traditionally a print medium is now rapidly branching out into many digital formats. What do you think of this trend?

When it comes to Kindle, NookBook and etc, I’m ecstatic, I buy most of my books in ebook. But as for indie publishing, I’m torn. I want to be published traditionally, who doesn’t? But I’m thinking more and more of going with an independent publisher. I suck at querying!

What was the last sentence that you had to re-read over and over again because of its awesomeness? What struck you about it?

It’s funny you should ask, I just sent this to my reading buddy yesterday. It’s a line out of her WIP, the title is either dEADgIRL, my preference but I’m not the author, or AMBIOSIS, quite cool too right?

Eventually she would annoy herself so much she was sure she would find a way to die.

It sums up the tragic MC in a nutshell, and I love her.

What book(s) have you recently read that you would recommend to the readers of this blog?

As I am writing YA, I’ve been reading YA and I can’t pay homage enough to THE HUNGER GAMES series by Suzanne Collins. And while it took me until 80+ to care, I fell in love with BEAUTIFUL CREATURES by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

What advice do you have to other aspiring authors out there?

Don’t quit writing! Write every day, if you don’t have time, set a goal even if it’s only 10 minutes, and keep it. Don’t overanalyze your work; if it’s a draft…it sucks. All drafts SUCK, get over it and keep going.

An apocalypse destroys the entirety of human literature, apart from the work of three authors that you can magically save with your wizardry – what do you save from imminent destruction?

My laptop, my Chardonnay and my Keurig coffee pot.

Our time is at an end. For our curious readers, how can we follow your progress?

I have a blog to mark my public humiliation at http://wantonredheadwriting.blogspot.com

And any day now, you can pick me at Barnes & Noble. Hey, it’ll happen!

***Are you an aspiring author willing to do an interview for my little blog? If so, click here.***

Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon and Taylor Hicks Sing Rebecca Black's Friday

One of the worst songs in history has now become one of the best.

Some of My Pet Peeves

A great way to bond is to learn each other's likes and dislikes. I think George Carlin said it best when he said "I don't have pet peeves -- I have major psychotic f**king hatreds." In that spirit of hatred I will now share some of the things that piss me off.

Let me preface this vitriol by stating the obvious: the following opinions are my own. You're all entitled to disagree. In fact, I am quite sure that I would end up on more than a few people's lists ;)

Okay, let's begin.

1. Men Who Wear Their Hats Backwards

The establishment wants me to
wear my hat properly, but that's just
not how I roll!

I've never understood this. Baseball caps look goofy enough as it is. Why bother tilting it to the side or turning it around? Trust me it doesn't need the help, it looks plenty ridiculous already!

Look, we've all done stupid things, but know this: if you are over the age of 18 and still wear your cap backwards it is very unlikely that we'll ever be friends.

Additionally, my hatred of backwards caps grows exponentially with the age of the wearer--those who continue to wear their hats incorrectly well into their 30's and 40's need to either take them off or spin them back around the right way.

2. Bikers Congregating at Coffee/Donut Shops

You're not fooling anyone decked out in your XXL leather jacket, blue bandana and mid-life motorcycle. Nobody thinks you are cool. You are not James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. Face the facts: you're forty-five, your gut is dangerously threatening to absorb the handlebars and we're not intimidated or impressed in the slightest. To alleviate those mid-life feelings that your life has no purpose, sell your bike and volunteer your time or money to the charity of your choice. In the meantime, I don't want to hear you revving your bike while I'm trying to enjoy my morning coffee and a good book.

Also, why would you gather outside of a coffee shop? Are all of the bar parking lots full? Who decided that Tim Hortons would be a good place to loiter by?

3. Any Athlete Making Over $100k a Year

I don't care how anyone justifies it--professional athletes do not deserve what they earn. No matter how many hours you spend perfecting your slapshot, no matter how many steroids you inject, you don't deserve to rake in large sums of cash.

It has always pissed me off that our culture values athletes to the extent of making them feel as though they're worth millions of dollars. Guess what? They're not.

You want to know who does deserve to make over $100k a year?

- Teachers
- Doctors
- Registered nurses
- City workers
- Social workers
- Homeless shelter workers
- Trade workers
- Engineers
- Librarians
- Substance abuse councellors
- Domestic abuse councellors
- The list goes on and on...

Besides, you're not all that entertaining. You've got nothing on the Roman gladiators who fought to the death. Compared to them you're yawn worthy. Sorry, but I need more than a rubber puck being hit with a stick into a net or cars going around in circles to entertain me.

4. Election Fever

Canadians are going to the polls for the fourth time in seven years this May and Americans seemingly begin their election campaigns the moment the previous election ends.

Here's the truth - I don't care what your political values are. If I wanted to hear the rhetoric of the right or the left then I'd take it upon myself to tune into their shitty "news" programs, or extensively read through their fabricated promises which they post online and have no intention of honouring.

Also, I may just stab the next person who complains that a certain politician is a crook or a hypocrite. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but all politicians are crooks and hypocrites. The ones who aren't generally don't make it very far (or find themselves assassinated early on). I sincerely believe that you should seriously question the motives of anyone who willingly wants to be in a position of authority over the masses. It takes a dangerous amount of ego, vanity and desire for power for anyone to believe that they should lead others. In most cases this is a person that I'd readily avoid or actively fight against.

5. That I Haven't Seen Breaking Dawn Yet

All baby births remind
me of this scene, without exception

We've all had to suffer through many years of god awful movies and some of the worst acting known to cinema. But I say that it has all been worth it because there is one scene in particular that everyone wants to see, be they friend or foe of Stephenie Meyer.

You know which scene I speak of.

We're all excited to see the childbirth scene where Edward gets all fangy and preforms the first vampire cesarean with his own teeth.

I WANT TO SEE THIS. I KNOW THEY FILMED IT. I WANT TO SEE IT NOW.

I have no doubt that the scene will haunt my dreams, perhaps even more than the first time I watched the chestburster scene in Alien.

Okay readers, that's enough of my hatred for now. Indulge me though--what's pissing you off lately?

An Unusual Gift

i could tell you now why the world is so magical, but it would just ruin a better story later.

so just know it's a great place. chaos everywhere and every time.

oh, and to quote my dad, "there is a hippopotamus on your shoulder."

there isn't. april fools. but the world is magical.

yeah, he was never very good at those sorts of pranks.