SlushPile Hell Sunday Funny

Dear Slushpile Hell Scum, you think you’re so funny. I wish I knew who you were so I could come mock you and everyone in your little circle of ugliness. I’ve written a fiction novel—a GREAT novel. Do you think I’ll ever submit my manuscript to a CLOWN like you, or ANY of your fellow clown literary agents for that matter? Think again. You’re missing out on MILLIONS of dollars here.

Dear Charlie Sheen, thanks for your email. Best of luck in all your future endeavors.

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Today's Sunday, so take it easy, grab a coffee and get ready to laugh. Word of advice? DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU SEE ON THIS WEBSITE.

A Snooki Oversight & 7 Reasons to Find a New Agent

I stole this from Janet Reid who stole it from graphjam.com.

Also,

7 Signs that It May Be Time to Find a New Literary Agent:

1. Whenever he gets an editor on the phone, he screams, “SHOW ME THE MONEY!”

2. When you ask her when she last sold a book, she laughs and says, “The Clinton administration.”

3. He’s always ranting and raving about the fact that e-books are a fad and that the papyrus scroll is due to     make a comeback.

4. Her standard agency agreement calls for all of her authors to dedicate their books to her.

5. When he sat in on a conference call with your publisher, he thought it was funny to use his Donald Duck voice for most of the conversation.

6. At your book launch party, she got sloppy drunk and kept saying to your husband, “Honey, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers.”

7. He has a blog called SlushPile Hell.

And lastly, dear reader, sometime tomorrow (October 3rd) I'll be sharing my newest review. This is a book that a great deal of you have probably read, so I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

See you then!

Query Fails

Random Query:

"Dear agent, first of all, let me tell you that I have applied for a copyright for my book, so I hope you will respect that."

Literary Agent / Supervillain:

"Curses! Without a copyright I would have outsourced your book idea to India, where a team of writers would carefully plagiarize it and then hand it back over to me. After which, I would put my name on it as author and ride it to glorious bestsellerdom."

So now that you know not to insinuate that the agent you're querying is a thief, head on over to SlushPile Hell for more hilarious examples of what not to do, hosted by an anonymous, self described “grumpy literary agent”.

Remember dear readers, literary agents are not the enemy. These people are our first foot in the door to the wonderful world of publishing--quite often they are fighting for their clients harder than anyone. Do your homework, and treat them with respect, lest you end up like one of these suckers.