Fun-A-Day

i was originally watching this video because i'm a sucker for any sort of "i'm going to ____ every day of the month" bit. well, so long as it has to do with art. otherwise it could just be "i'm going to eat every day this month" and that would only make me jealous and bored.

anyway, as i was watching mr. lillis, i started realizing him to be a californian. and then, slowly, with the mentioning of buses, burritos, and cross-streets i put together that he's also a san franciscan.

i'm also a sucker for local videos. so i thought i'd share.

i'd love to do something like this. except it's been done. so nevermind.

plus, mine would be a bit like "on this day i was almost arrested by the cops," and then "on this day, i stole a cookie from my roommate's work" and maybe a few "on this day i drank the leftover whiskey from my whiskey bottle collection."

most people would turn the video off before i even made it to the second week.

not to say extensive karaoke is a whole lot healthier.

either way, you can check out the rest of the artists' work here.

Non-Canonical Sunday Wisdom

One of my favourite passages from any gospel of the first three centuries comes from the Gospel of Judas.

"You will exceed all of them, for you will sacrifice the man who clothes me."

- Jesus speaking to Judas

As a little bit of context for those who are unfamiliar with the text--Judas shares with Jesus a vision he has had in which the other apostles are cursing his name and stoning him to death. Jesus in return tells Judas that it is possible for him to reach the heavenly realm of Barbelo, but in order to do so he will have to suffer a great deal.

Rather than this Gospel being an account of the greatest betrayal in history, it flips the common perception on its head by claiming that the act of "betrayal" was actually Judas' ultimate act of love and servitude. It is Judas who makes it possible for Jesus to escape the material trappings of his body and return to his spiritual home. This is common gnostic theme, which claims that the world and everything in it is like a cage, with the exception of the divine spark within us all, which is itself trapped within our cage of flesh. By helping bring about Jesus' crucifixion, Judas allows Jesus to leave the material world and return to his heavenly abode where he belongs.

And in my opinion, Judas' suicide makes a lot more sense if he never wanted to commit the act in the first place. Anywhoo, now that I've sufficiently bored you all I'll return to my book review. Look for it within a couple of hours!

Time for a Pineapple

the threadless tee that i've been forcing into your eyeballs and onto your facebook was not selected.

so how about that?

actually, once it all ended, they provided me with a new set of stats that i wasn't able to view during the contest. and it's pretty interesting.

i wasn't so much worried about the average score since most people were at about 2.0.-- and some people had even been removed before the 7-day period was over-- my goal was 500 votes, and 100 likes. i made it to 615 votes and 65 likes.

but here's what gets me: out of all 615 voters, only 22 said they'd buy it. really? that means, 19 if you don't count me and my roommates. that's just embarrassing. a third of 10% of the voters?

oh well.

in a lot of ways, i'm happy it's over. i can barely stay sane watching the up-and-down stats of this blog. i don't need a second set of stats to obsess over.

for those of you who supported me by either voting, commenting, liking, or the select bunch of you that actually posted it on your facebook wall and tried to whore it out for me-- thank you very much. it was pretty rad to see how many people were willing to help out.

oh, and if you'd like to claim your "i voted" bagel drawing, please do so now. i've already drawn charlotte a cinnamon raisin bagel, and techboy a blueberry wheat with cream cheese-- even though cream cheese technically costs extra and i didn't even get my t-shirt printed.

claim your bagel today!

p.s. - if you print your bagel and take a picture with it, i'll post it up here. if that's something you're interested in.

Maybe We Should Get Married

obviously i am in no place to give anyone financial advice (1, 2). and the only sort of advice i am even less qualified to give would be that which concerns intimate relationships (1, 2, 3). however, i would like to give you a mixture of both.

if, around christmas, you were thinking, "well we can't break up during THE HOLIDAYS" and found yourself staying in an abusive or otherwise boring relationship, you probably also wound up thinking, "well we can't break up right before new year's eve."

and somehow, your dumb relationship has putt-putted about since.

and now it's almost valentine's day: the most important holiday of any post-pubic relationship; the most romantic day of the year, and the most depressing at the same time. which means you're thinking about the value of your relationship a lot. naturally you don't want to hurt the special someone who you hate these days-- because the two of you were in love at one point back when it was all magical and surprising. neither of you want to hurt one another. but there are just so many fucking holidays from november till march that the timing is not as easy as it should be.

so i'll be the one to type it here at the risk of looking like a loveless bastard: just be honest. and not the delusional, string-it-along, self-deprecating kind of honest-- be fucking honest. if you're already thinking about the timing of the best break up, you need to do it now.


there is no good time for a break up-- i'm sure scientists would agree. so would horoscope writers. even though both scientists and horoscope writers tend to change their minds completely out of nowhere and suddenly pluto is not a planet and there's this new sign called the ophicudssypsusuchus. point is, there is no good time for a break up. and no matter what end of it you're on, you'll be depressed.

none of that has anything to do with valentine's day. it'll still feel awful if you break up in june.

i'm telling you this as someone who has both broken up before valentine's and someone who has stuck through valentine's. ultimately, they were both hard. but one of them was financially irresponsible, emotionally dishonest, and a firm waste of time.

don't get me wrong: i had an amazing valentine's with someone i should've already left. we had a regular blast and it felt like we never had any problems. but that's because we were both on our best behavior and trying to be good americans that february the 14th.

however, that feeling lasted just the day and we broke up less than six days later. so why did i buy that dinner? why did she make me that present? why did we pretend?

let's not kid ourselves. if, right now, you're thinking "but we can make this work" i'm going to tell you that you're wrong. this is not because i want you to be hopeless or unhappy-- rather it's the opposite-- i just feel the coming holiday has a way of messing with our heads. you can't make it work if you're in a situation that calls for you to say "we can make this work." it's sort of like how we knew dr. frankenstein was insane because he told that crew of sailors, "i know you think i'm insane but i'm not."

and i've been seeing the chaos on the streets. everyone is in a half-fight with their significant other. twisting words like a god damn crack-pipe. and i know what they're all thinking. you do, too.

all i'll say is this: if you're on the fence, you're running out of time to make the right decision. if it's been on your mind and you still haven't acted upon it, you're just drawing out a bad joke which will reach a punchline everyone else saw coming and your friends will get sick of hearing about it. meanwhile, you're spending dollars and minutes on something you don't believe, in hopes to appear as though nothing is wrong.

that's all ridiculous.

if you've come here to center your chi, or hear of my latest fail, it's all here. but i ask that you learn from my mistakes. save yourself and your future ex some time and chaos: break up now.

if you're happy, you're happy. i'm happy for you, frealz-- you have the greatest thing in the universe. and so, if you're in super-love, this message is not for you. but, speaking to those of you who are "unsure" i recommend you don't fake it any longer and don't let the popularity of valentine's convince you otherwise.

besides, worse case scenario, you can get ultra-hammered on st. patrick's day and make some horrible decisions that help you move on. it's almost like the holiday was put there with valentine's in mind.

Review: The History of Hell by Alice K. Turner

Product Summary

From the beginning of recorded history people all over the world have believed in an afterlife with two principle destinations, and Hell has inspired more interest than Heaven, especially among painters and poets. This is an illustrated survey of how religious leaders, artists, writers and ordinary people in the West have visualized Hell.

First Impressions

Last Judgement by Jan van Eyck

I bought The History of Hell on a whim about a year ago when I was on a Dante's Inferno kick. I was a bit reluctant at first--I wasn't quite sure what to expect from an author more famous for their Playboy articles than their non-fiction--but I found that my hesitations were pleasantly put at ease when I began to read her work.

While this isn't a scholarly piece of literature by any means, it is still incredibly informative and well researched; it is evident that Alice Turner has taken no shortcuts in the construction of this book.

The accompanying artwork has been carefully selected, highlighting the diversity of artistic conceptions of Hell over the centuries to the present day. This is not only limited to paintings: Turner includes a great deal of mural work, pottery, sculptures, woodcuts and early sketches.

The History of Hell follows a natural progression from our earliest accounts of the great below--the Sumerians and the Mesopotamians--to the Zoroastrians and Egyptians, which give way to our more recognizable imaginings of Hell influenced by famous Greco-Romans poets and philosophers such as Plato, Aristotle and Virgil. Once the classical period is fleshed out Turner moves to the monotheistic religions, beginning with the Judaic concept of Sheol (which is distinct among monotheistic religions for having an afterlife that none are exempt from, be they virtuous or damned).

She also takes the time to explore the less commonly known belief systems (such as those of the Gnostics and the Manichaeists), before getting to the meat of the book: Christian accounts of Hell. This section is especially well researched and deserves repeated readings.

What really tickled my fancy is that Alice didn't end after outlining the monotheistic interpretations of Hell, rather, she then expands on some of the most common infernal imagery, particularly accounts of the descent into Hell, apocalyptic tours of Hell, purgatory and changing conceptions of Hell through various periods of history (the Middle ages, the High Middle Ages, the Renaissance, the Enlightenment, the Romantics, et. al). There is also a portion of the text reserved exclusively for the classical works of Dante, Milton, and Faust. Finally, Turner explores more abstract subjects such as the Mechanical Universe, Universalism, and the changing perception of all things infernal in the wake of Freud.

Final Thoughts

The History of Hell is a wonderful reference guide for students, artists, and infernologically minded individuals--it is easily my favourite desk reference for Hell since Jeffrey Russell's five volume history released in the 80's.

Dear Cardiff Lounge

recently, i had a fairly awkward conversation with a hispanic busser at the sonoma chicken coop who recommended your cervecería because it was just tres stops away. so i visited your bar-- or what some yelpers call "where all the hipsters of the south bay hang out."


the last time i'd been in the neighborhood was during my friend kyle's 21st birthday. back then, i had no form of serious i.d. and would find myself using a burger king kid's club card to squeeze my way into the more willing bars. i was able to get into katie bloom's because the bouncer used to buy magic mushrooms from me. but khartoum rejected me and we didn't even see your bar.

needless to say, i was excited to check out your happening little lounge without having to bribe a bouncer or pull out a "possession of marijuana" citation as proof of my birth-date. everyone in san jose used to know me as the one guy who had no driver's license, i.d., or bank account. but things are different now.

sort of.

the other day, i showed your bouncer my i.d. and he told me i couldn't come inside. at first, i thought it was because i am not an attractive female and he was trying to keep the ratio in favor of sloppy one-night stands-- but it was a weekday and your bar really only had about five people inside. surely you would want all the customers you could find-- especially alcoholic customers who award themselves handmade whiskey trophies, and tour gin distilleries for fun.

i asked him what was wrong with my i.d. and he asked me if i drive.

"no," i said, "why?"

"i can't let you in," he explained, "unless you have a driver's license."

"but this is a government-issued identification card."

"it's not a driver's license."

as it turns out, your bar is privately owned and as a part of that there are different rules than i am used to. at your bar, a state-issued california i.d. is not actually a valid form of identification. learn something new every day! discovering that the very card which allows me to be called in for jury duty will not allow me into all bars felt a little like realizing my all-in-one printer had a copy-machine rather than a scanner.

and to be back in san jose, rejected from a bar like the days before 2008 was just bad comedy.

as it was explained to me, i had three ways to get into the lounge:

1. learn how to drive a car.
2. join the military.
3. prepare to travel outside of the united states.

this is all very interesting, and mostly why i'm writing to you now.

i'm happy that you accept military i.d.s and passports because there are plenty of places that will not-- and then foreigners, troops on a rare vacation, and people who have simply misplaced their driver's license cannot get the drinks they deserve.

but i suppose i need a bit of clarification as to the reasoning behind denying non-driving legal adults access to "where all the hipsters of the south bay hang out."

are there cars inside your bar? do you ask that all customers drive dune-buggies inside to give the lounge a unique feel? that would be so neat! i mean, i have no way of knowing since i wasn't allowed inside. but at least if there are motorized vehicles within your premises, i can understand why i'd need a driver's license to enter.

the thing is, i didn't hear any cars inside. i guess i'm just very confused, and i hope you can help me.

when creating the cardiff lounge did you sit at your idea-desk and think, "you know the one thing i want to be sure of is that my drunk customers have the ability to drive themselves home when they're ready to leave"?

i really need to understand your thought process. you must be aware that there is absolutely no difference between a california i.d. and a california driver's license except that one allows you to drive-- right? one is not easier to counterfeit than the other, and neither have a more official birth-date than the other.

in no way am i trying to convince you to change your odd rule-- you seem to be making enough money keeping the cardiff a drivers-only paradise, and i have no intention of returning-- but i need to know why you made the rule.

i'm pretty sure i won't be able to sleep until i know what went on in your head when you trained the bouncers to say, "sorry, but if you don't drive a car, you can't drink here."

maybe say that sentence to yourself out loud and then get back to me.

dumbfoundedly,
president wishnack

New Feature: The Best of Brad

Are you a newcomer to my blog? Or, if you aren't, don't you wish there was an easier way that you could look back on some of the better posts I made months ago? Well fret no longer; I have sifted through all of my posts and compiled the cream of the crop onto a "best of" compilation page for all of you dear readers. You can find the link in my blog index (under "Reviews") or just click here.

I will periodically update the best of to reflect the contributions of my newest posts.

Happy reading, and be sure to comment--I read everything, and comment quite frequently!